Posts tagged "self-improvement"

“Go Big,” my brother suggested when I told him about my project idea, the book I started to write.  These simple words moved me.  The idea of being big was simmering in my mind just in the morning.  And there were those words again, “Go Big.”

This got me thinking.  How many of us play a small game?  How many of us play big?  How do we regard ourselves?  If we think we are small and insignificant, that’s what we give and therefore that’s what we receive in the world.  We play a small me part, what we think of is mostly about ourselves.  Sure, our dreams might be big, but as long as we concentrate only about ourselves, we will not going to go far.

So, how can we shift our perspective?  How can we live a bigger than ourselves life, play a bigger game?

First, let’s start from foundation that we built for ourselves.  All our life up till now made who we are today: our lessons, our tribulations, our victories, our difficulties, our winnings.  Whatever it was, we got to make a peace with our past: forgive, get rid of the stuff we no longer need.  Recently, I got rid of my journal writings that do not serve me anymore.  I think I kept them, so I would prove something to somebody.  I do not need to prove anything.  As I tore those pages, my heart became 100% lighter.  We do not need our past weighing on our shoulders and definitely we do not need to carry them someplace in the drawer tucked in.  We got to make a peace with our past and with ourselves.  If not, this stuff will haunt us in our future decisions and might stop us in the tracks.  We do not need that to go forward.  (To help deal with it, you can read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and look into Landmark Education.  These are incredible resources.)

Next is to go for the dreams – no matter what.  Dream as big as we can dream of.  What’s the point of dreaming if you cannot dream big, right?  Dreaming alone will not get us anywhere, though.  We got to ACT on them.  Little by little, day by day, step by step – Act on the dreams.  Do not be afraid of failure.  Failure is just a stepping stone for something coming up great.  Need inspiration for action? Read Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell.  This will help you to be brave all the step of the way.

These two steps mentioned above are just a prep for a third and the most important step of going Big, Huge, Gigantic:  We got to INVOLVE as many people as we can – small people, big people and everything in between.  We cannot accomplish anything just by thinking small (all about ourselves).  As soon as we open the doors to others, help others, give others – we will start playing a bigger game – a world game.  Do we want to make a world a better place?  Let’s share our passions with it.  Can you imagine a world full of passionate people?  We have so much to give.  Why are we keeping all to ourselves?  We owe the world to show who we are, to help as many people as we can.  By helping others, we’ll help ourselves.  Let’s think for a moment in simple ways:  when we smile, others can’t help but smile back.  We water our flowers, and they smile back by giving us the most gorgeous blossoms.  We give a kind word to a stranger, their smile makes us feel good, too.  Universe works in mysterious ways.  The key to giving is not expect anything in return, but universe also gives it back as long as we are open in receiving.  Without expectation, we may be rewarded in other ways least expected.

So, let’s sum it all up.  Let’s get rid of the last pains, make a peace with our past.  Let’s build a new foundation of now and future by dreaming and DOING BIG!  Let’s involve and help as many people as we can.  Let’s think on worldly terms.  (Advanced Course of Landmark is a great resource of that).

Deepak Chopra, Tim Ferris, John Assaraf and other great authors are HUGE because they help tons of people.  Why am I any different? It is a time to play a BIG GAME.

Some of us, shy people tend to hide from the world.  We do not want anybody to notice us.  As if, we want to hide in our shells and never come out.  That’s severe form of shyness.  Some of us do come out, but as soon as we start to feel uncomfortable, we hide again.  Then some of us are occasional shyers.  We are shy only on certain occasions, usually in unfamiliar environment.  Some of us are so good that we are great examples of camouflage – nobody notices when we come in.  We could turn invisible.

Why we are the way we are?  How to overcome it?  First, we got to go to the core of it.  Why we are shy?

It is all based on fears:

1.  We are not good enough;

2.  Others might laugh at us, criticize us;

3.  We are not worth the attention.

Why we choose to feel that way?  It probably started in our childhood when somebody said to us that we can’t do something; we are not good at it; we look ugly; we are not talented enough, etc., etc.  So, deep inside we believed them and it unconsciously went into adulthood.  We continue carry that with us, and we might not be aware of it.  We started to believe that’s who we are:  incapable and not worthy.  We stopped to trust ourselves, and be incapable to trust others for seeing “real” us.  When we say “I am shy,” – that’s what we project and we make up excuses not to do anything that’s uncomfortable because we are shy.

So, how to overcome shyness?  How to become confident and even brave?

1.  Forget what somebody said in childhood.  It happened in the past and the past is gone.

2.  Who cares what others think.  Do it anyway and keep doing it.

3.  Tell your own self-critic to shut up.

If you feel uncomfortable, do it anyway and repeat it until you feel comfortable.  Practice is the best medicine.  Change your words and mentality.  Instead of “I’m shy,” tell “I’m confident” or “I’m brave” and believe it.  You’ll feel better instantly.  What you feel inside, that’s what you’re projecting to the world.  Think of others.  If they only knew the “real” you and how much you can contribute to others and the world.  Show them and don’t wait another minute.  Share yourself with others.  You’ll be surprised how many like-minded individuals out there who totally will understand you.  Some great geniuses never were known because of their quietness and shyness.  Go ahead!  Show the world what you got!  You were too silent too long.

There still might be people who will criticize you.  Do not pay attention to them.  Do it anyway.  They’re dealing with their world in their own way.  If people will laugh at you, laugh with them.  You might totally confuse them.  Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself either.

Personally, I make games of uncomfortable situations.  If somebody laughs at me when I dance in the car, I think at least they’re having fun now.  I dance even more.  If somebody looks at me with my wind-blown hair because I drive with open windows, I smile at them.  They smile, too.  I felt uncomfortable to speak in public.  I made myself do it until I felt comfortable.  I like to catch people completely by surprise.  I like to challenge myself by putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  By doing that, my shyness evaporates.

What is uncomfortable to you?  Go do it.  Repeat it until it will become a piece of cake.  Then go to the next challenge.  Little by little…  Learn how to laugh at yourself and have fun with it.  If somebody will not going to like it, it’s their problem.

See my blog about 3 types of people here:  doers-critics-and-someday-ers

Need help with public speaking?  See my article here:  how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking

It is interesting how we base most of our decisions on the past.  Starting with basics, like buying new clothes or jewelry to picking out partners, to having the same job we chose when we were eighteen years old.  We love familiar and comfortable.  Most of us do not like change.  Unfamiliar scares us.  So, we get stuck in the routine, wearing our comfortable clothes, tiny chain with pendant (that you can barely see), keep meeting people that resemble our past, and we get stuck doing the same job we know for years.  We tell ourselves, it worked before, worked in the past, so why change it?  If it is not broken, why fix it? So we keep going in circles, but we keep going…

Pretty boring, ah?  But it is familiar.  Well, if we do not want to grow and learn new things, and experience life, that’s fine.  It is a safe way of living.  For those who want to get out of boring routine, to wake up to life, to risk in order to learn something new, here is a suggestion:  be open-minded.  Sure, it is easier to live by our set-up rules and opinions.  Now, unless we’re open-minded, we never know what we can learn and experience.  We might be surprised.  It is not necessary to change a whole life.  All I suggest is to change the attitude in everything we do: be open-minded.

If someone suggests you different clothes or bigger expressive necklace, try it.  You might enjoy the bolder look.  What you wear is what you are.  Express how you feel inside.  If you feel boring, that’s how you will project yourself to the world.  Change your attitude to adventurous and fun, and dress like it.  Experiment with new, unfamiliar.  Be wild.  Be open-minded to how you want to feel, and dress the part.  Now if you surprise someone, or even shock, just laugh about it.  If you feel self-confident in who you are, it does not matter what other people think.  The most important is how you feel.

photo courtesy of daliakoss.com

Relationship-wise, we usually keep attracting people who are reminders of our past.  Say, we break-up with someone, or someone broke our hearts.  For awhile, we keep seeing that person everywhere in strangers:  their appearance, their manners, the way they walk, talk, etc., etc.  We know that’s not the same person, but we keep being reminded of him or her.  Some of us might even fall in the same trap: start dating or even marry the same version of (insert name here) or (name) in disguise.

I believe we all have a built-in radar.  If we learn from our past mistakes, we can follow this radar to give us warnings as “red flags,” that we should never ignore.  Be open-minded in meeting different kinds of people, even outside our comfort zones.   The key is to know what we want and don’t fall for the first one who resembles familiar, our past.  Unless we’re open-minded, we never know who we would meet.  He or she might challenge us, but it will be worthwhile.

Job-wise, some of us may be stuck in the same job we thought will be good for us since we were 18 years old.  Some of us are happy with it which is great.  Sometimes teens do know everything.  However, some of us are miserable doing the same thing over and over, year after year.  We console ourselves with a great pay, benefits: insurance, vacation time or we’re just grateful to have a job, yet deep inside, we’re miserable.  We know we are worth more.  We know what our passions are.  Yet we stick with familiar, and we torture ourselves with “what ifs…”, hoping that we will be happy and make a change “one day” that never comes.

Now, if we open our minds and follow our hearts, we may turn our hobby into profession, or find a new hobby outside our job.  What are you passionate about?  What you always wanted to learn?  Do it now.  “Some day” as you know, will never come.  The time to do it is now.  Most importantly, not only do it, share with people what you’re passionate about.  You never know, you might make the right connection.  Keep sharing and be open-minded in everything you do.  What surprise is waiting around the corner?  Only for you to find out.  Without a risk, you don’t drink the champagne…

It is a mind and body connection.  It cannot be one without other.  If you try to straighten your posture (with books on your head, sleeping on the firm bed, exercise, etc.) and you feel miserable inside, nothing will help you – your body will slouch.  Now if you feel good about yourself, you will naturally stand up straight.

There are three kinds of postures:

A) Hunched shoulders mean:

• Hiding a growing body (for teen girls)
• Feeling like the whole world is on the shoulders
• Feeling protective (like hiding in a shell)

B) Standing up straight posture means:

• Great self-confidence
• Great attitude
• Being open to the world – by giving and receiving

C) There is another extreme posture that involves the nose up in the air which means:

• Feeling like the King and Queen of the world.
• Treating other people like they beneath them
• Basically nothing satisfies them.

Now how to go from point A to B?  If you are teenage girl, do not worry about your growing body.  It is normal.  Be confident that you are growing up.  If boys tease you at school, think of them as immature bastards who do not know how to treat a lady.

If you feel that the whole world is on your shoulders, you got to lighten the load up.  You got to light up, so to speak.  Allow yourself to laugh and have fun.  Do not take life so seriously.  Sure, it is hard enough for most of us.  We all have our stories.  The most importantly, it is your attitude that counts.  Just think of hardships as challenges like stepping stones to stronger you.  Every challenge is opportunity to learn something.  You can have hardships and learn from them, or you can let hardships to control who you are.  It is up to you.  To me, I think life is too short to be unhappy.  It is your pick.  No buts about it.

If you feel the world will hurt you, your body is in protective gear automatically.  Of course, things will happen – you cannot protect yourself forever.  But if you open up to the world and be willing to give yourself and your talents, I’m pretty sure you’ll be surprised of a great receptivity from people.  Of course, you can not satisfy everyone, but who cares.  Most people will open their hearts and arms to you once you show them what you are all about.  There are many good people out there.  You are great at what you do, what you create, what you love and are passionate about.  The world needs you and you need the world for great things to happen.  You got to show who you are.  Do not hide.  You have way too much to contribute.  So, stand up tall and show world what you’ve got.  Many people will love you, and who don’t – screw them.  They are not worth to get to know you anyway.  Do not shut down because of them.  Keep going.  There are many new people who are dying to know you.  Give them a chance.

Now as for case C, it is never healthy to go to extreme.  These people need to land their feet on the ground, and put their nose at normal level.  Even they do not show it, they have a complex about themselves.  Therefore, treating others badly gives them satisfaction.  The truth is that they are miserable inside and putting others down gives them a pleasure.  What you hold inside, that’s what you project to the world.  Can you imagine what their inside looks like?  Full of anger and miserableness.  Treating others badly is their protection from the world.  What they think is that if they treat others like a dirt, nobody will treat them badly.  Unfortunately, what comes around, goes around.  Most people do not like them for their “royal ass”, and nobody wants to be nice to them.  Now, if they would turn around and treat people with respect, they would be treated that way, too.