Posts tagged "self-esteem"

People come and go.  Some of them touch our hearts, some of them break them.  Some people come into our lives to give certain lessons.  Some people test our nerves, test how strong we become.  Yet with some people, it feels that we have known them for years.  We can talk to them for hours, and never gets boring.  It seems that they are our soul friends – people who are traveling a similar path.

If we look at our friend circle and people we meet, do we feel empowered?  Or do we feel drained?  Do we feel enthusiastic?  Or do we feel victimized?  How our friends make us feel?

This year, I decided to sort my friends out in a personal life and on social media.  Animal abusers or animal hunters for fun, people who demean women and others are not acceptable in my world.  I had to un-friend some on Facebook.  In personal life, I had to let go of some people as well.  People with chronic victim mentality only drains’ others’ energy.  They are real downers and not willing to change.  Some people just do not deserve to be in our lives.  If they put us down or belittle us, we can choose to let them go.  I did that, and my life became lighter.

Note:  if mentally we are still mad on them, they still have a control over us.  Therefore, forget, forgive and let it go. By being mad, we only hurt ourselves.

I choose to surround myself with people who are amazing, creative, inspiring and empowering.  Yes, we all go through life’s hard stuff.  We all have our stories.  However, if some people choose to complain about it and do not do anything, it is a downer not only for them, but also for us.  We do not need to get into other people’s dramas.

Life is all about going higher and achieving our dreams.  Let’s surround ourselves with people who empower us to be the best.  Let’s be the best for others, too.  Let’s inspire one another.

Happy New Year!  It is a new beginning.  Like Winfrey Oprah said, “another year to make it right.”  The thing is that we go through changes many times:  it could be at a beginning of the year.  It could be after some drastic event happening, like changing a job, losing someone, divorce, kids go to college, retirement, marriage, moving to a new place, etc., etc.  There is also a saying that major changes usually happen after 7 years.

Lately, I and my friends are going through major life changes, too.  So, how to cope with that? How to make changes fun?  First of all, I found the greatest thing to do is to get rid of crap.  Through many years, we collect so much stuff.  Some things we liked before, we do not like it anymore.  Get rid of it.  Our tastes change.  We have so many e-mails that we did not even read, subscriptions that we ignore.  Delete and throw away.   If we take pictures, some pictures seemed nice before. Right now they’re mediocre – delete them or save them on DVD.  There are clothes that we did not wear for years – donate, give away or sell them.  There might be some unfinished projects or writings that we never get to finish, or lost interest in them – throw it away.

Also, not only we got to get rid of old, worn, unfinished stuff, but also the same goes with mental stuff.  All negativity out – to open a new space for positivity.  There might be some people that hurt us in the past.  Don’t you wish that some of them would have a “delete” button?  We can do it in our mind:  we got to forgive them and let it go.  Because if we are mad or upset, we only hurt ourselves – let go of anger and hurt.

Or, here is a brilliant idea:  Use these feelings to make you go higher.  Sometimes anger or being upset gives us a motivation to succeed.  We can channel those feelings to make ourselves only better and stronger.  If somebody said, “You’ll fail,” just say, “Watch Me” and strongly believe that you can do anything you wish and do it.

Also, while we clean old or bad energy out of our lives, we open doors to new opportunities.  The thing is that in this process of getting rid of the stuff, the new ideas come.  In working on these ideas, we got to communicate with people.  That’s how we start something new and exciting.

Moreover, we shall not take on a new crap.  If people do not treat us right or be negative, we have every right to walk away or change a subject.  We do not need their negativity in our lives.  Let’s surround ourselves with friends that lift us up, inspire us, and encourage us.  No more drama and no bullshit.  Also, no more excuses.

These are excerpts from the book “A Walk on the Beach” by Joan Anderson.  This book always inspires me.  So much wisdom here.

Here is a Joan Erikson’s Unconventional Wisdom.  It will make you think.  It will make you come alive.  It will make you feel grateful for what it is.  Make it a fantastic day, and live each moment to the fullest:

1.  OVERDOSE ON THE SENSES.  “Get out of your body, absorbing all that you come in contact with.”

“The great joy is when something happens seredipitously,” Joan says, “like an unexpected breeze, or finding this boat.  I never feel as though I am living unless I am making contact with the world like we’re doing now.  In my youth, I would walk the streets of New York and smell the neighborhoods, all the aromas of people from other places, or walk across the great bridges with rain-soaked hair and the wind on my skin, or go to museums where I would get so close to a painting that I could smell the oil.  Do you know what I mean, dear?” she asks, extending her hand now over the edge of the boat and letting the water race through her fingers.  “We taught early on to stop sensing the world.  Parents say no to their toddlers all the time, when all their child wants to do is sense the world around him.  Pity, isn’t it!  Overdose on the senses is what I say, all the way through life.”

“…the way to feel a whole range of emotions is to use them.”

“I want to be nature – you know, unblemished, natural, primitive, even, That makes all the difference.”

“We came away from that moment realizing the importance of reflection.  If I recall we spent the rest of the afternoon reflecting on reflection.  It’s a matter of using all that is around you, merging your senses with the world like an animal or child would do to find the clarity you seek.  Once again, the key is to loosen up.  Where curiosity and playful discovery are the focus of activity, there’s little opportunity to fail.”

“See, smell, touch, and taste everything… that’s what enlivens and links us in a sensuous way to the world outside ourselves.  It’s the very food we need for our body and soul.”

2. DANCE BEYOND THE BREAKERS.  “Having direction and going after something – going toward that which gives you purpose is the way – otherwise your life becomes avoiding trouble and there is no strength in that.”

“That’s the beauty of this life.  You leave all the rigid rules behind.”

“Dance is so absolutely glorious.  There’s no end to what you can do with pure energy.”  “…especially with modern dance, which isn’t restricting.  Rather, it’s about breaking boundaries.”

“And down the street and onto the beach.  Why not?” she laughs.  “Dance beyond the breakers, that’s what I say… be willing to go as far as you dare.  Hell, it’s one of the few legitimate ways to be sexy and sensuous,” she says, her naughty twinkle appearing again.  “The motion of the whole thing…and the flexibility it evokes!  The lucky ones are those that grow up near water where everything is in motion – you crave it the rest of your life,” she says, reaching for my water glass and taking a gulp.”

“Dance when you’re broken open, and, Dance if you’ve torn the bandage off, Dance in the middle of the fighting, Dance in your blood, Dance, when you’re perfectly free.”

“There should never be any set way to dance.  It’s about losing yourself and giving your body over to the music.”

“Always remember, my dears,” Joan says by way of a toast, “that no matter how hard you dance, not everyone will clap.” She lifts her glass to both of us. “At the very least, from here on in, you’ll be creating your own rules.  Take your dreams by the hand and let them float.  It’s a gift being your own person.  In any case, it’s pretty deadly not to be.”

3. LEAN ON YOUR STRENGTHS.  “In order not to fail in the end, you have to be dependent on yourself and know that you can handle things.  Most importantly, bring a little humor into despair.  Lightness, imagination, flexibility – these are the things that go into making a new start.”

“Adventure gets you to a feeling level and keeps the mind at bay.  Allow your imagination and feelings to follow whatever image moves you.”

“You must have confidence in your body.  It’s a portable world-a wonder, really.  It will get you through anything if you take care of it.”

“Passion is a force, a direction you are moved to.  It comes when you are open and vulnerable…  Still, passion is only a lofty word if you stay closed and not open.  All the words attached to the stages are so grand.  Only when we turn them into verbs and connect them with action do they make sense.  Always remember, dear, that theory without action has no strength at all.”

“It was she who told me that she didn’t hit bottom awfully easily.  “When I do,” she once admitted, “I try to focus, not on the problem but on my strength.  One way out of doldrums is to do something…take action rather than sit passively.”

“I keep telling myself that I can be either powerful like the sea or as weak as the broken shells under out feet.  Of course you know which I’d prefer.”

“One thing I’ve learned is that when you can no longer get in touch with your instinct and intuition, It’s all over.”

“You must imagine your capacities, how much strength you can muster, what you can do even before you set out.  Then you will have the confidence to stretch yourself like never before.”

4. SPONSOR YOURSELF.  “Don’t deny yourself to please others.  You only lose yourself in the promise.”

“Many a woman makes it a goal to know her man without knowing herself, first.  She sees loving him as the solution to her problems, but love soon becomes the center of her problem.  She is thinking rather than feeling her way through the relationship and eventually becomes isolated from the very essence of herself.  That is a tragedy.”

“Well, in any case, I always envisioned marriage as a collaboration,” she continues.  “Mutuality, reciprocity, interdependence are the keys to the game.  If you don’t have them, what’s the point?”

“We must have sensed a deep need to know ourselves better if we were ever to know anyone else.”

“When you are willing to pull back and look at your neglected dreams and foibles, you bring a newfound energy into your partnership.  You learn to respect what makes you an individual and you learn to accept the other person’s quirks as well.  It isn’t easy work.  The big trap most of us fall into is believing that love and joy always go together.  It can’t possibly be so because truth comes with love and many times truth is not so playful because of its honesty.”

“You get love by participating in it.”

5. SHARE WHAT YOU KNOW. “Be generative.  Pass on what you know.  In sharing there is real delight.  People in every stage depend on other people.  Out of connection real growth happens.  If there is no reciprocity, nothing ever works.”

“It’s not about you, dear.  It’s about being generative and giving back.  Can’t you see how people are sick for the truth?  Nothing in our culture encourages us to break out of the mold.”

“Henry James said that a writer must be willing to embarrass himself,” “Everyone wants to hear the voice of someone who has gone through something real.”

“You have something unique to share, my dear.  People are dying for adventure, and if they can’t make themselves get out there, they will content themselves with living vicariously off of others.”

6. PLAY OUT YOUR EXPERIENCES.  “We don’t stop playing because we grow old.  We grow old because we stop playing.  Anyway, the opposite of play is obey!”

“The point is to be less serious,” Joan says, “and more playful.  Children have it right – that is, until someone knocks sense into them and the life out of them.  I always insist that joy is a duty.”

“If only we could spread our wings and be freer with our bodies, we too could lighten up and recharge our souls.”

“Stop relying so much on your mind and get in touch with experience.”

“It’s one thing to hazard out in a safe place and another in unknown territory.  Taking chances and risking routine are two important ingredients for keeping alive.  Besides, a new panorama always offers fresh insight.”

“I make a silent promise to remember always to strive toward more unimaginable experiences.”

“I have been leveled and grounded by intangibles – such things as endurance, patience, will, commitment – a pleasant combination of active and passive ingredients needed for a harmony and balance.  Sitting here and taking stock forces me to remember and cherish what is to be vitally alive – somehow to transcend the mundane, to be broken and remade.”

“In any case, richness of experience is a potential generator of wisdom.”

“Life works best when there is a flow between times of intentional quiet and informed action. ” Action needs a counterpoint and destiny always develops in silence.”

7. REACH FOR SATISFACTION.  “Does what you are doing (in work or play) satisfy you? Does it make you laugh?  Does it make you sing?  If so, latch on to it.”

“You emerge slowly when you truly listen to your heart.  There’s no putting a time frame on soul work.”

“Practice nonsense, Have some joy during all your trudging, and don’t forget to laugh.  Tears no longer become you.”

“I want to remember to reach for the unknown or exotic as well as a measure of joy.  “It’s there for the taking, ” Joan constantly says, “and we must seize it for ourselves.  The opposite of joy is shame and doubt.  There’s hardly any fun in that.”

8. ALWAYS BE WILLING TO EMBRACE CHALLENGES.  “A good life is like a weaving.  Energy is created in the tension.  The struggle, the pull and tug are everything.”

“It’s the hard that makes it great.”

“The only way to pass the test is to take the test. – Native American Regal Black Swan. “Whether I’m giving a speech, walking my talk, or climbing the mountain, it’s all about taking one step and then another.

“Sigmund Freud though that out of one’s vulnerability comes strength.”

“you need to shake your life up in order to find new intentions.”

“No more asking permission, Whose life is it anyhow?…Besides, haven’t you learned by now that no one ever pushes you towards freedom.  You need to take that for yourself.”

Take Action

Have Adventures

Face Your Fears

Seize the Moments

Tolerate Isolation

Overdose on the Senses

Lean on Your Body

Reach Beyond Your Grasp

“Please let your sun – your concentrated energy, your own submerged authentic vital power – shine out from you.”

I never knew what mind can do until I tested my own mind to see well.  See my previous posts how it all started Seeing Miracle and a follow up a week or so later at Seeing Miracle Continues.

It’s been 7 months now since I took my glasses and never again I put them back on.  For the people who read my previous posts, you are probably wondering if it really works, how my vision is now.

Also, I came across a discussion board on the web where my website and my post “Seeing Miracle” was mentioned.  I could not believe all the skeptics out there who were a majority.  One tried to walk without glasses, but at the end he put the glasses back on.  Next day, he got a headache and vowed to never try this again.  Next, others were wondering why squinting does not work all the time.  They were discussing Bates method, and some were even furious about misleading information.  There is a huge discussion going on, and most people liked the “safety” behind their glasses and were afraid to persist.  I totally understand them.  It is pretty scary to go out when all you see is a blur.

After reading this discussion board, I checked my eyesight according to the chart.  I did not use the chart for awhile.  I read 20/40 with absolutely no problem.  This is by the way a legal vision for driver’s license in Florida.  Then I even read 20/30 line without any problems.  Then 20/25 was next.  I read that, too.  20/20 was a bit blurry, but with a little eye adjustment (by blinking and breathing a bit), I read the whole 20/20 line.  That’s the first time ever I was able to read the whole 20/20 line!  I was so excited.  My right eye is usually weaker.  So, before I read only a half of the line.  Pretty good, isn’t it?

I wish my 20/20 vision would stay without an eye adjustments.  My vision still fluctuates from around 20/30, 20/25 to 20/20.  Lately, probably from 20/25 to 20/20.  My eyesight adjustment now comes naturally.  I do not squint.  Squinting just stresses our eyes and might give us a headache.  I deeply breathe, blink my eyes, stay in the sun whenever I get the chance.  It comes so easy that I do not even think about it.

I train my mind to see through everything.  Sure, on stressful or cloudy days, it becomes a bit blurrier.  Sure, it would be so easy to put the comfort blanket – eyeglasses on, but I refuse to do so.  I am persistent to see no matter what.  So, with more adjustment, I see well again.

On happy days, I have prolonged great vision without adjustments.  Also, I find if I look into computer for a long time, my eyes become more blurry.  Then I take a break, or change my vision field by looking someplace else.

Also, my success depends on my attitude.  I do not concentrate on what I do not see.  I concentrate on what I’m seeing instead.  I am super excited to see things that I only required eyeglasses to see.

I am so in love with the world I am seeing:  larger than I used to see through my glasses.  So, this is what I learned in my journey:

1) Determination and a strong belief are the keys.

2) Persistence to see through everything.

3) Resistance to give up and put the glasses back on.

The mind is so powerful.  We usually underestimate how powerful it is.  Our mind and our bodies are connected.  If one thing is out of balance, another one will be, too.

The book might not be for everyone.  It might not work for everyone, or others might not even try it.  There might be many skeptics out there.  However, these are my own experiences, and miracles do happen if you have a huge belief in them.  Here are other people’s experiences in a book review from Amazon book readers. Decide for yourself, be daring, but please use a common sense and be safe.

Here are some more wisdom nuggets from Robert G. Allen’s e-book The Road to Wealth:

“Ask any successful person why they are so successful, and they will answer in two words:  good decisions.

But how do you learn to make good decisions?  One word: experience.

But how do you get experience?  Two words: bad decisions.

Question: Are you willing to risk making enough bad decisions so that you can gain the experience necessary to be able to make good ones?”

“A negative thinker sees something suspicious on the horizon immediately imagines the worst and follows things to their logical negative conclusion.  Something goes wrong, an unexpected bill, and before you can say “whoops” he is preparing for bankruptcy. No wonder a negative thinker never makes any success happen.  He’s always too busy battening down the hatches because he thinks the sky is falling down.

On other hand, the optimistic thinker always tries to see things in a positive light – to follow things to their illogical positive conclusion.  When he sees a problem on the horizon, he immediately starts trying to find something good with it.  If you look hard enough, you know, you can always find something good.  No wonder positive thinkers are always smiling.”

How to Develop the Skill of Grace Under Pressure

“When you find yourself in a stressful situation (i.e., a closing that is coming up, an especially important negotiation) you may discover that your normal cool is replaced with panic.  With practice, you can learn to handle these situations with grace and poise.  Here are some points to consider:

1. Step back and see the big picture.  Almost invariably, when you find yourself losing your cool it is because you fail to see things in perspective.  Look back ten years from where you have come.  See the progress you have made.  View your present situation as just another stepping stone in your long-term progression.  Ask yourself where you are going to be in 10 years.  The stress you feel in your present circumstances will diminish when viewed in this context.

2. Review your goals, Hannah More wrote, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes of the goal.” Keep your eyes on the goal, and you won’t have time to lose your cool.

3. Realize that stress is caused by fear.  Fear is not a thing.  It’s just a thought.  It can’t stop you.  Only you can stop you.  So get out of your own way.  Quit thinking fear thoughts.  Start thinking success thoughts.

4. Give yourself a pep talk with phrases like these:  Inch by inch, anything’s a cinch.  No pain, no gain.  It’s always darkest before the dawn.  Who am I doing this for?  My family.  Is their long-term success more important to me than this momentary stress that seems to be holding me back?  Yes.  Is there any other way? No.  Then do it.

5. Do it now.  Develop the habit of doing what you need to do when the thought comes to you.  Don’t put it off.  Your habit of procrastination is really just another camouflage for of fear.  You must face it.  Do it now.

The ability to exude grace under pressure is the result of passing through many positive and negative experiences in which you finally see that you can handle whatever gets thrown at you.  Things are rarely all or nothing, make or break, do or die.  Regardless of the outcome, the sun still comes up in the morning.  Life teaches that things are never as good as they seem or as bad as you imagine.  Even the failures often turn out to be the best answer in the long run.  There are good things in bad situations and bad things in good situations.  There are just as few reasons to be overly excited about something, as there are to be overly despondent.  Wisdom dictates that you learn to be more even-tempered.  Moderation in all things, and from this comes grace.”

I love books.  There is so much wisdom in each one of them.  So much experience, so many lessons to be learned…  Books inspire us, and satisfy our hunger for knowledge.  They let our imagination loose and answers questions, “what if?” “what is more?” “how come?”  They bring us to different worlds.  They open our minds, so we can expand our vision.

Recently, I finished e-book The Road to Wealth by Robert G. Allen.  He is a best-selling author and real estate guru.  Also, he teaches thousands of people real estate tricks and how to start an information empire.  He is wealthy in knowledge and very generous with information.  This is a second book I read by him and looking forward in reading other books of his, including “Nothing Down.”

Here, I want to share some excerpts and quotes from Robert G. Allen e-book, The Road to Wealth, that will make you think, encourage you, inspire you.  It inspired me, for sure.  Enjoy these nuggets of wisdom:

“Confidence comes with practice.”

“Don’t look at the immensity of the goal.  Don’t look down at the penalty for failure.  Just keep your eyes on the next step.”

“You’ll slip and bruise yourself.  Maybe even break a leg, figuratively.  But you’ll heal, and if you maintain the proper attitude, you’ll emerge a stronger, more courageous and less fearful person.”

“Face your fear.  You always find the best fishing holes in the places where the average fisherman is afraid to go.”

“The masses are always afraid.  This leaves more for the few who dare.  We don’t have shortage of opportunity in America.  We have a shortage of courage.  The lakes are teeming with fish.  But you have to dare to climb the cliffs to get them.  Where the risks are great the rewards are greater.

Once you understand this concept, you’ll never lack for anything again.  That is, if you’re able to overcome your fear.”

“As in all fairy tales, if you want to marry the princess, you have to slay the dragon.  The greatest dragon you’ll ever face is your own fear. ”

“If you can learn to live with the fear, the world is yours.”

“Watch the crowd.  Go in the opposite direction.  Success does not come by following the crowd.  Where there are many fishermen, the lakes get fished out fast.  You must not be afraid to go against the grain – to go alone to unclaimed territory.”

“To be successful you must learn to be different.  Find true friends who will admire you for your courage.  Any friend who encourages you to be less than you can be is not real friend by anyone’s standard.  Be different.  While the masses seek security, do the contrary.  March out into the risk.  If the masses huddle in a corner, afraid, stand out from them.  Face your fear.  Look around you.  See the masses standing in lives, waiting for someone to take care of them.  Step out of line and form a new line – with you at the head of it.

If fear of failure causes the multitudes to cower, let this be your cue.  Like all great people before you, determined to fail way to success if necessary.

If the masses yearn to be loved, strive instead to be respected.  It is greater to be respected than to be loved.  For respect is the foundation of love.  There can be no love without it.  When you learn to face your fear, you will come to respect yourself.  And you will be irresistible.  It takes courage to step out of the line marked “security” into the line marked “risk.”

“You’re already wealthy.  You are your wealth.  Wealth is not having.  It’s being.  Nothing you have is as important as what you are.”

“Acceptance is harder to give than advice but infinitely more valuable.”

“From ashes of failure grew my greatest success.”

“If you refuse to accept failure, you cannot fail.  You may fall down a cliff or two, but you must learn to get up, dust yourself off and keep climbing.  Only those who are willing to fail again and again deserve to make it to the top.”

“The brain is the most powerful computer in the world – your personal Einstein.”

“How do you stretch your brain to accept bigger and bigger ideas?  Associate with big thinkers.”

“Often hunches are correct.  Try to create an environment in which hunches can be nurtured.

Feed the faith, starve the doubt.  Learning how to recognize and follow this still-small voice can lead us to levels of success that we could not attain otherwise.

Thus, by listening to positive thinkers, reading positive books and by learning to follow our hunches, we can actually program ourselves to be more successful.

One of the best brain-stretching activities is some form of regular exercise.  Exercise builds self-esteem.  And self-esteem is the fuel that keeps us running after other people give up.  The better you feel about yourself, the more willing you will be to accept those big ideas from others and those hunches from your own computer.”

“You are obliged to help other people in anyway you can because it’s going to come back to you.  Your success is assured if you help enough people get what they want.”

“Whatever you plant in your life, you’re going to get back.”

I love to take pictures, but when it comes to take pictures of me, forget about it. I don’t think so… Or it used to be.

When I look at my younger photos, I look shy, like being caught, feeling uncomfortable. I hated to pose, so that’s how I came out in the pictures: frozen in time – frozen literally. Then of course comes self-criticism and oh, I could be the best self-critic. Just don’t get me started.

Sounds familiar? Usually what stops us are outside or our inner critics. And we can always stop them, especially our self-critics. All others can think whatever they want.

So, one day I decided to change all that – I decided to overcome my camera shyness. I thought how can I relax in front of the camera – in unfamiliar territory? At first, I put my camera on a self-timer and snapped some photos. I felt uneasy and somewhat ridiculous, but I overcame that. I just completely ignored my self-criticism. Hey, in this Facebook age, many people take self-portraits. Right?

Then I made a game out of it. Whenever my friend Sandy and I go out on photoshoot, first I take shots of her. Then, when she asks to take pictures of me, instead of declining, I agree. Instead of standing frozen, I make different poses. I encourage my friend to do the same. Posing is actually fun when we use our imagination. It gives us freedom and creativity. When we are flexible in posing, the pictures come out great. They show our wild side.

Using props are great, too. If none is available at the time, we can find anything in nature, like palm tree branches or tall grass at the beach.

Here is Sandy at the beach among tall grass.

I find candid shots are the greatest. No posing required. When we act normally without seeing camera present, we come out naturally.

Actually, now to take photos is fun: behind and in the front of camera. It is a great game to play. All those advices: you got to look pretty and photogenic, wear lots of make-up is not a real solution. Don’t need any of that as long as we:

1. Make fun poses and be creative;
2. Use any props available
3. Shoot candidly

So, next time anyone will ask you to say “cheese,” make it a fun game.  Bring your wild side out. The rest is easy.

I did it.  My friends did it.  Lots of women still do it.  Men do it, too.  All creatures, animals and birds do it all the time.  They camouflage themselves in their environment.  They hide to escape predators; they hide to save their lives.  A lizard’s skin tone suddenly resembles rustic fallen leaves on the ground.  Squirrel’s fur color is exact like palm tree’s or any tree’s bark.  Robin lifts up his head resembling a tree leaf.  Insects become the same color as surface they land on.  It’s a trick of survival, matter of life and death situation.

Now you probably asking, “What animals and we have in common?” We don’t need to hide from predators.  This does not make sense.  Or does it?

Looking deeply in ourselves, we’ll find we do camouflage.  The only difference among animals and us is that camouflage saves and protects animals, but it has an adverse reaction to us.  To some degree or another, we all have “a fit in” disease, and could be detrimental to our self-image, self-identity and even our health.

All of us probably heard or said to others “Oh, I like your outfit.  Where did you get it?”  Let’s admit it, we like to wear the same or similar clothes as others wear.  Even fashion magazines compare the real designer clothes to bargain look-a-likes, that anyone can “afford.”  By “fitting-in,” we camouflage our individuality, our individual tastes.  We blend in with others, by avoiding to be different.  We wear the similar hairstyles, similar jewelry, similar shoes.  We even “copy” movie stars.  Our justification is that now we look like famous people, or perhaps even better.

Don’t get me wrong, though.  Some of us try really hard to be different, but our society is set up this way that we look at those people who are different as outcasts, odd, strange and eccentrics.  Why can’t we accept them as normal human beings celebrating their differences and individuality?  They just try to express themselves of who they are and not what society wants them to be.  Better yet, why can’t we express unique ourselves in our clothes, our style full-heartedly and would not be judged and not judge others who do the same?  Why can’t we just celebrate our differences?

Secondly, beauty is everything for many of us.  We do everything we can to stay thin, young and beautiful.  Some of us go to the extremes to have plastic surgery, to go under the knife, just to become a beauty from outside.  That’s a form of extreme, another form of camouflage.  We want to fit-in a beautiful world around us, among beautiful friends in a beautiful society where media plays a huge role in changing “ugly ducklings” to beautiful swans, or showing never-aging actors and actresses.  Whatever happened to beauty from inside?  Whatever happened to intelligence and creativity and resourcefulness  as great qualities? Whatever happened for giving respect to older people who proudly are showing their age and wisdom?  It seems that all of this is forgotten.  All forgotten of what is important.  Outside beauty, no matter what way is achieved, no matter how many times going under the knife is all that matters.  To me, that’s a camouflage under the mask.  Shockingly enough, still physically not developed teens go under the knife to get breast implants.  Everything is just for an image, so they would fit in among beautiful people.  All of this fake beautification is just a mask.  What people do not realize is that no matter if person is the most beautiful from outside, if he or she does not have a high self-esteem, no boob job or face lifts will be good enough.  They’ll feel horrible anyway.  The first thing what they need fixing is their self-esteem.  If they are proud of who they are, they’ll not need plastic surgery to make them fake beauties.  Here is an idea for the media: how about a show portraying how people can be beautiful from inside.  There are many everyday heroes doing great deeds.  They don’t need to hide under fake masks.  They are beautiful all around.  It’s what inside that matters, and no makeover will change that.  Then maybe our children will learn more valuable lessons in life.

The third camouflage is not that noticeable, but it is as destructible.  Many of us don’t even know or notice it until it is too late, and we get easily lost.  We camouflage ourselves among family, at our work, at our endless the same over and over again schedule, earning that dollar to pay the bills.  We get easily stuck in the same routine over and over again.  We become what everyone expects us to be: a great wife, great husband, a breadwinner, excellent employee or manager, great mother, great father…  We start to become people-pleasers at no matter what price.  We take care of all of the world, and become what world expects us to become, but we never truly find the time to take care of ourselves.  We get so involved in the same routine over and over again.  Days, months, years go by very quickly, and we lose ourselves in every day life.  We lose ourselves.  Period.  Then, if we’re lucky enough, we wake up one day.  Many of us are not that lucky.  But if we are, we start asking ourselves, “Who am I? What do I like? What I’m here to do? I did everything for everybody, how about me?  What do I want in life?  What do I want to accomplish for myself?” We hit identity crisis.  When our children grow up and move out, or if marriage did not work or spouse died, many of us start to feel empty.  We gave all to others, and nothing is left for us.  Some of us hit the bottom and get depressed.  But some of us are lucky to still have time to re-discover ourselves.

Life is too short to be unhappy.  So let’s be happy for who we are.  Let’s wear clothes and hairstyles that express our individuality and makes us comfortable.  It’s OK to be different.  Let’s not follow the crowd.  Let’s be proud of who we are, not hide behind fake masks of plastic surgery.  Let’s be proud of our gray hair and wrinkles that show our wisdom acquired by age.  Let’s find the time for ourselves to do what we want to do in our lives, and learn and accomplish more, and be proud of who we are.  It is great to be imperfect.  Nature is imperfect.  That’s why it is so beautiful.  We do not need to hide from predators like animals do.  Therefore, let’s open ourselves like rose opens it’s bud and show the world who we truly are.  Let’s come out of camouflage.

For inspiration to be different and self-expressive, you can log into Dalia Koss Unique Jewelry where you’ll find stunning one-of-a-kind pieces that no one has.  You can express yourself with her art pieces in the most unique ways.    Shoerazzi.com brings you the best of the best in shoes, all in different styles.  Here you’ll see celebrities and people on the street wear them portraying their unique style.  living on impulse is all about life-style, adventures, living life you can only dream of, unless of course you decide to live it yourself.

Be yourself and inspire others to be themselves as well.  World is too boring when people want to be the same.

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and see if you can help them with that.  Perhaps you can make friends unexpectedly.

4) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, be among or make friends with stronger than them people or among those who make them feel helpless and insecure.

5) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.