Posts tagged "self-confidence"

“Go Big,” my brother suggested when I told him about my project idea, the book I started to write.  These simple words moved me.  The idea of being big was simmering in my mind just in the morning.  And there were those words again, “Go Big.”

This got me thinking.  How many of us play a small game?  How many of us play big?  How do we regard ourselves?  If we think we are small and insignificant, that’s what we give and therefore that’s what we receive in the world.  We play a small me part, what we think of is mostly about ourselves.  Sure, our dreams might be big, but as long as we concentrate only about ourselves, we will not going to go far.

So, how can we shift our perspective?  How can we live a bigger than ourselves life, play a bigger game?

First, let’s start from foundation that we built for ourselves.  All our life up till now made who we are today: our lessons, our tribulations, our victories, our difficulties, our winnings.  Whatever it was, we got to make a peace with our past: forgive, get rid of the stuff we no longer need.  Recently, I got rid of my journal writings that do not serve me anymore.  I think I kept them, so I would prove something to somebody.  I do not need to prove anything.  As I tore those pages, my heart became 100% lighter.  We do not need our past weighing on our shoulders and definitely we do not need to carry them someplace in the drawer tucked in.  We got to make a peace with our past and with ourselves.  If not, this stuff will haunt us in our future decisions and might stop us in the tracks.  We do not need that to go forward.  (To help deal with it, you can read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and look into Landmark Education.  These are incredible resources.)

Next is to go for the dreams – no matter what.  Dream as big as we can dream of.  What’s the point of dreaming if you cannot dream big, right?  Dreaming alone will not get us anywhere, though.  We got to ACT on them.  Little by little, day by day, step by step – Act on the dreams.  Do not be afraid of failure.  Failure is just a stepping stone for something coming up great.  Need inspiration for action? Read Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell.  This will help you to be brave all the step of the way.

These two steps mentioned above are just a prep for a third and the most important step of going Big, Huge, Gigantic:  We got to INVOLVE as many people as we can – small people, big people and everything in between.  We cannot accomplish anything just by thinking small (all about ourselves).  As soon as we open the doors to others, help others, give others – we will start playing a bigger game – a world game.  Do we want to make a world a better place?  Let’s share our passions with it.  Can you imagine a world full of passionate people?  We have so much to give.  Why are we keeping all to ourselves?  We owe the world to show who we are, to help as many people as we can.  By helping others, we’ll help ourselves.  Let’s think for a moment in simple ways:  when we smile, others can’t help but smile back.  We water our flowers, and they smile back by giving us the most gorgeous blossoms.  We give a kind word to a stranger, their smile makes us feel good, too.  Universe works in mysterious ways.  The key to giving is not expect anything in return, but universe also gives it back as long as we are open in receiving.  Without expectation, we may be rewarded in other ways least expected.

So, let’s sum it all up.  Let’s get rid of the last pains, make a peace with our past.  Let’s build a new foundation of now and future by dreaming and DOING BIG!  Let’s involve and help as many people as we can.  Let’s think on worldly terms.  (Advanced Course of Landmark is a great resource of that).

Deepak Chopra, Tim Ferris, John Assaraf and other great authors are HUGE because they help tons of people.  Why am I any different? It is a time to play a BIG GAME.

How many of us can look in the mirror and really like ourselves, without being critical?  Or seeing ourselves in the pictures without pressing the “Delete” button? Or even let others take pictures of us?  Do we really “see” ourselves for who we are?

We want to look perfect, thin, beautiful, smart, dressed up, with make up on to look somewhat decent.  We want to wait for someday to look just right: after vigorous exercise regime, after we lose some pounds, after someday we be happy… The list goes on. We keep chasing that “perfect” image of us that keeps eluding us.

According to Wikipedia‘s definition of Beauty, according to history, I found “The Koine Greek word for beautiful was ὡραῖος, hōraios, an adjective etymologically coming from the word ὥρα, hōra, meaning “hour”. In Koine Greek, beauty was thus associated with “being of one’s hour”. Thus, a ripe fruit (of its time) was considered beautiful, whereas a young woman trying to appear older or an older woman trying to appear younger would not be considered beautiful. In Attic Greek, hōraios had many meanings, including “youthful” and “ripe old age”.^“

The big question is “Why?” Why do we want to be perfect?  Is it for us or for others?  Is that our opinion, or others’?  What if today we would accept ourselves the way we are?  What that would be like?  What if others’ opinions do not really matter?  Some of us might protest, “Yeah, but my career/relationship… depend on it,” and other “yeah, buts.” It is just a butt.  It is all in our heads.  Perhaps we got to look elsewhere for our career, perhaps we got to surround ourselves with people who accept the way we are.  Or perhaps we got to accept ourselves first.  This is where we have to start.  When we start accepting ourselves no matter what, others will accept us, too.  If they will not, it will not matter to us anymore as long as we know who we are.  We ourselves can make us happy anytime we want to.  We do not need to depend on others for happiness.  It is our own choice.

Why do we want to be perfect (according others’ opinion) anyway?  We are not them and they’re not us.  We are ourselves, and nobody is like us, which we can learn to embrace it.  Nature is imperfect.  That’s why it is so beautiful.  The same here.  We are all unique, all kinds of shapes and forms.  Each one of us have unique talents, unique gifts, unique looks.  Can we imagine how boring it would be if we all would look the same and act the same?  Plastic surgeons already are making some people look the same with big lips, straight nose, fake unmovable smile.  Why in the world do we want to look like that?

When we do depend on others and reach for their approval, we become like zombies, not ourselves, and less of who we are.  We even start to live others’ lives, lives according others’ opinion.  In our minds, we care for others, but we do not really see ourselves.  We become unhappy and depressed and we do not know who we are anymore.  We hit “identity crisis.” This is an extreme case, of course, when we devote ourselves to others without leaving anything for ourselves.

We all make mistakes.  We all have our stories.  That’s how we see and learn from life.  We either embrace it – our lives, our lessons and dreams, even our bodies, or we let others to control us the way we look, the way we feel, the way we see and the way we act.  It is all up to us.  Do we want a ship to take us anywhere, or do we want to grab a wheel and choose our destination of our lives and dreams?  Do we want to live our lives or others’?

Who are you for yourself (without others’ opinion)? What do you do for your own enjoyment that lights up your eyes, puts you on the seventh cloud and makes your heart sing? What do you have as a result of it?

If it too hard to answer these questions, dream the answers.  Dream it big.  It is your life.  It is your dreams.  It is not others’.  It is all yours.  Keep your wheel in your hands, and lead your heart to your desired destination.  Where would you go?

I did it.  My friends did it.  Lots of women still do it.  Men do it, too.  All creatures, animals and birds do it all the time.  They camouflage themselves in their environment.  They hide to escape predators; they hide to save their lives.  A lizard’s skin tone suddenly resembles rustic fallen leaves on the ground.  Squirrel’s fur color is exact like palm tree’s or any tree’s bark.  Robin lifts up his head resembling a tree leaf.  Insects become the same color as surface they land on.  It’s a trick of survival, matter of life and death situation.

Now you probably asking, “What animals and we have in common?” We don’t need to hide from predators.  This does not make sense.  Or does it?

Looking deeply in ourselves, we’ll find we do camouflage.  The only difference among animals and us is that camouflage saves and protects animals, but it has an adverse reaction to us.  To some degree or another, we all have “a fit in” disease, and could be detrimental to our self-image, self-identity and even our health.

All of us probably heard or said to others “Oh, I like your outfit.  Where did you get it?”  Let’s admit it, we like to wear the same or similar clothes as others wear.  Even fashion magazines compare the real designer clothes to bargain look-a-likes, that anyone can “afford.”  By “fitting-in,” we camouflage our individuality, our individual tastes.  We blend in with others, by avoiding to be different.  We wear the similar hairstyles, similar jewelry, similar shoes.  We even “copy” movie stars.  Our justification is that now we look like famous people, or perhaps even better.

Don’t get me wrong, though.  Some of us try really hard to be different, but our society is set up this way that we look at those people who are different as outcasts, odd, strange and eccentrics.  Why can’t we accept them as normal human beings celebrating their differences and individuality?  They just try to express themselves of who they are and not what society wants them to be.  Better yet, why can’t we express unique ourselves in our clothes, our style full-heartedly and would not be judged and not judge others who do the same?  Why can’t we just celebrate our differences?

Secondly, beauty is everything for many of us.  We do everything we can to stay thin, young and beautiful.  Some of us go to the extremes to have plastic surgery, to go under the knife, just to become a beauty from outside.  That’s a form of extreme, another form of camouflage.  We want to fit-in a beautiful world around us, among beautiful friends in a beautiful society where media plays a huge role in changing “ugly ducklings” to beautiful swans, or showing never-aging actors and actresses.  Whatever happened to beauty from inside?  Whatever happened to intelligence and creativity and resourcefulness  as great qualities? Whatever happened for giving respect to older people who proudly are showing their age and wisdom?  It seems that all of this is forgotten.  All forgotten of what is important.  Outside beauty, no matter what way is achieved, no matter how many times going under the knife is all that matters.  To me, that’s a camouflage under the mask.  Shockingly enough, still physically not developed teens go under the knife to get breast implants.  Everything is just for an image, so they would fit in among beautiful people.  All of this fake beautification is just a mask.  What people do not realize is that no matter if person is the most beautiful from outside, if he or she does not have a high self-esteem, no boob job or face lifts will be good enough.  They’ll feel horrible anyway.  The first thing what they need fixing is their self-esteem.  If they are proud of who they are, they’ll not need plastic surgery to make them fake beauties.  Here is an idea for the media: how about a show portraying how people can be beautiful from inside.  There are many everyday heroes doing great deeds.  They don’t need to hide under fake masks.  They are beautiful all around.  It’s what inside that matters, and no makeover will change that.  Then maybe our children will learn more valuable lessons in life.

The third camouflage is not that noticeable, but it is as destructible.  Many of us don’t even know or notice it until it is too late, and we get easily lost.  We camouflage ourselves among family, at our work, at our endless the same over and over again schedule, earning that dollar to pay the bills.  We get easily stuck in the same routine over and over again.  We become what everyone expects us to be: a great wife, great husband, a breadwinner, excellent employee or manager, great mother, great father…  We start to become people-pleasers at no matter what price.  We take care of all of the world, and become what world expects us to become, but we never truly find the time to take care of ourselves.  We get so involved in the same routine over and over again.  Days, months, years go by very quickly, and we lose ourselves in every day life.  We lose ourselves.  Period.  Then, if we’re lucky enough, we wake up one day.  Many of us are not that lucky.  But if we are, we start asking ourselves, “Who am I? What do I like? What I’m here to do? I did everything for everybody, how about me?  What do I want in life?  What do I want to accomplish for myself?” We hit identity crisis.  When our children grow up and move out, or if marriage did not work or spouse died, many of us start to feel empty.  We gave all to others, and nothing is left for us.  Some of us hit the bottom and get depressed.  But some of us are lucky to still have time to re-discover ourselves.

Life is too short to be unhappy.  So let’s be happy for who we are.  Let’s wear clothes and hairstyles that express our individuality and makes us comfortable.  It’s OK to be different.  Let’s not follow the crowd.  Let’s be proud of who we are, not hide behind fake masks of plastic surgery.  Let’s be proud of our gray hair and wrinkles that show our wisdom acquired by age.  Let’s find the time for ourselves to do what we want to do in our lives, and learn and accomplish more, and be proud of who we are.  It is great to be imperfect.  Nature is imperfect.  That’s why it is so beautiful.  We do not need to hide from predators like animals do.  Therefore, let’s open ourselves like rose opens it’s bud and show the world who we truly are.  Let’s come out of camouflage.

For inspiration to be different and self-expressive, you can log into Dalia Koss Unique Jewelry where you’ll find stunning one-of-a-kind pieces that no one has.  You can express yourself with her art pieces in the most unique ways.    Shoerazzi.com brings you the best of the best in shoes, all in different styles.  Here you’ll see celebrities and people on the street wear them portraying their unique style.  living on impulse is all about life-style, adventures, living life you can only dream of, unless of course you decide to live it yourself.

Be yourself and inspire others to be themselves as well.  World is too boring when people want to be the same.

Take time to think this question…

We’re usually so wrapped up in everyday worries, responsibilities, bills, other people, we’re hardly have time to think about ourselves.  Days go so fast, even years fly by.  We usually put our dreams on the back burner, in the farthest corner, stuff them in the draw and forget about them.

“We’ll get to them when we’ll have time.” However, that time never comes…

Think again, “How much you’re worth?”  Are you worth your dreams?  Does your dream seem so far to you?  Do you feel overwhelmed, thinking how much you have to do to reach your dream?  What if, you are going to take one little step forward right now?  What that would take?  Step by step, one chance at the time.  As you usually schedule important tasks, schedule your dreams.  Skip watching TV if you have to.  You are worth everything what your heart wishes.  Do not put off your dreams any longer.

1) Identify them,

2) Take first step – even a small one,

3) Be persistent to take next steps.

You’ll be surprised how one little action will cause a ripple effect of other actions.

Most importantly, share your dreams with others.  Ignore the ones that criticize you.  Take ones in who support you.  You never know, somebody may knows somebody who knows somebody who may help you to achieve your dreams.

Take a first step now…

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and see if you can help them with that.  Perhaps you can make friends unexpectedly.

4) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, be among or make friends with stronger than them people or among those who make them feel helpless and insecure.

5) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.

All our lives somebody tries to confine us.  “You cannot do this, you cannot do that,” “You are not good enough,” “You are not smart enough,” “You are not pretty enough.”  Others try to mold us according to their own expectations and beliefs.

How do we react to that?  Do we start to believe in it?  Do we give in into the confinement?  Do we try to fit into other people’s mold?  Do we lose sense of who we really are by pleasing others?  Do we lose our self-esteem in the process?

Or, do we become trouble-makers and stand our ground, and not let others to put us down and tell us what we can and cannot do?  Do we keep a strong sense of who we are and do not let others to put handcuffs on us?  We do as we please.  We do not care what others think.  If there is no way, do we find the way?

People who misbehave, stand for their beliefs and refuse to be confined most of the time are the winners.  They not only stand their ground, but they make a big difference in other lives.  Great examples are:

Rosa Parks in 1955 refused illegally to give her seat to a white person.  It sparked a civil rights movement.

Gandhi, despite strong opposition, gained autonomy for India from Great Britain without violence.

Although it sounded ridiculous at the time, Walt Disney built the “happiest place on earth” in the middle of orange groves.

Ed Roberts, paralyzed from the neck down, instead of concentrating on his own pain, improved quality of life for the disabled, graduated from the University of California, Berkeley and became director of the California State Department of Rehabilitation.

So, should we give in to other people’s confinement or should we be trouble-makers and stand our ground and make a difference not only in our lives, but in lives of others?

(Examples are taken from Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins)

What are you afraid of?  What do you want to conquer? Who or what do you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?

There are so many phobias out there.  Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not.  Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival.  It’s great to have these fears.  If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored.  It’s your inner knowing that something is not right.  You should act on your instinct.  Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee.  Do what your inner knowing tells you to do.  It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.

Then, there are fears that are unreasonable.  You don’t know why, but you afraid of something.  These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks.  Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc.  You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want.  If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.

To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them.  Perhaps,

1. Something scared us in the past;

2. We are scared of consequences. (Example:  afraid to look foolish)

3. What others might think. (this is huge)

We might come up with different reasons.  Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.

In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy.  We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want:  we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc.  If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will.  We will tremble and will not achieve a thing.  The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.

The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result.  Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.”  Do not look at it as fear.  Look at it as a challenge, a game to play.  Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game.  You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes, to go on adventures, etc., etc.  Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most.  Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you.  Practice makes it easy.  You can win at this game – you better believe it.  Mind is powerful.  We just need to know how to consciously use it.

For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.

Some of us, shy people tend to hide from the world.  We do not want anybody to notice us.  As if, we want to hide in our shells and never come out.  That’s severe form of shyness.  Some of us do come out, but as soon as we start to feel uncomfortable, we hide again.  Then some of us are occasional shyers.  We are shy only on certain occasions, usually in unfamiliar environment.  Some of us are so good that we are great examples of camouflage – nobody notices when we come in.  We could turn invisible.

Why we are the way we are?  How to overcome it?  First, we got to go to the core of it.  Why we are shy?

It is all based on fears:

1.  We are not good enough;

2.  Others might laugh at us, criticize us;

3.  We are not worth the attention.

Why we choose to feel that way?  It probably started in our childhood when somebody said to us that we can’t do something; we are not good at it; we look ugly; we are not talented enough, etc., etc.  So, deep inside we believed them and it unconsciously went into adulthood.  We continue carry that with us, and we might not be aware of it.  We started to believe that’s who we are:  incapable and not worthy.  We stopped to trust ourselves, and be incapable to trust others for seeing “real” us.  When we say “I am shy,” – that’s what we project and we make up excuses not to do anything that’s uncomfortable because we are shy.

So, how to overcome shyness?  How to become confident and even brave?

1.  Forget what somebody said in childhood.  It happened in the past and the past is gone.

2.  Who cares what others think.  Do it anyway and keep doing it.

3.  Tell your own self-critic to shut up.

If you feel uncomfortable, do it anyway and repeat it until you feel comfortable.  Practice is the best medicine.  Change your words and mentality.  Instead of “I’m shy,” tell “I’m confident” or “I’m brave” and believe it.  You’ll feel better instantly.  What you feel inside, that’s what you’re projecting to the world.  Think of others.  If they only knew the “real” you and how much you can contribute to others and the world.  Show them and don’t wait another minute.  Share yourself with others.  You’ll be surprised how many like-minded individuals out there who totally will understand you.  Some great geniuses never were known because of their quietness and shyness.  Go ahead!  Show the world what you got!  You were too silent too long.

There still might be people who will criticize you.  Do not pay attention to them.  Do it anyway.  They’re dealing with their world in their own way.  If people will laugh at you, laugh with them.  You might totally confuse them.  Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself either.

Personally, I make games of uncomfortable situations.  If somebody laughs at me when I dance in the car, I think at least they’re having fun now.  I dance even more.  If somebody looks at me with my wind-blown hair because I drive with open windows, I smile at them.  They smile, too.  I felt uncomfortable to speak in public.  I made myself do it until I felt comfortable.  I like to catch people completely by surprise.  I like to challenge myself by putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  By doing that, my shyness evaporates.

What is uncomfortable to you?  Go do it.  Repeat it until it will become a piece of cake.  Then go to the next challenge.  Little by little…  Learn how to laugh at yourself and have fun with it.  If somebody will not going to like it, it’s their problem.

See my blog about 3 types of people here:  doers-critics-and-someday-ers

Need help with public speaking?  See my article here:  how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking

It is a mind and body connection.  It cannot be one without other.  If you try to straighten your posture (with books on your head, sleeping on the firm bed, exercise, etc.) and you feel miserable inside, nothing will help you – your body will slouch.  Now if you feel good about yourself, you will naturally stand up straight.

There are three kinds of postures:

A) Hunched shoulders mean:

• Hiding a growing body (for teen girls)
• Feeling like the whole world is on the shoulders
• Feeling protective (like hiding in a shell)

B) Standing up straight posture means:

• Great self-confidence
• Great attitude
• Being open to the world – by giving and receiving

C) There is another extreme posture that involves the nose up in the air which means:

• Feeling like the King and Queen of the world.
• Treating other people like they beneath them
• Basically nothing satisfies them.

Now how to go from point A to B?  If you are teenage girl, do not worry about your growing body.  It is normal.  Be confident that you are growing up.  If boys tease you at school, think of them as immature bastards who do not know how to treat a lady.

If you feel that the whole world is on your shoulders, you got to lighten the load up.  You got to light up, so to speak.  Allow yourself to laugh and have fun.  Do not take life so seriously.  Sure, it is hard enough for most of us.  We all have our stories.  The most importantly, it is your attitude that counts.  Just think of hardships as challenges like stepping stones to stronger you.  Every challenge is opportunity to learn something.  You can have hardships and learn from them, or you can let hardships to control who you are.  It is up to you.  To me, I think life is too short to be unhappy.  It is your pick.  No buts about it.

If you feel the world will hurt you, your body is in protective gear automatically.  Of course, things will happen – you cannot protect yourself forever.  But if you open up to the world and be willing to give yourself and your talents, I’m pretty sure you’ll be surprised of a great receptivity from people.  Of course, you can not satisfy everyone, but who cares.  Most people will open their hearts and arms to you once you show them what you are all about.  There are many good people out there.  You are great at what you do, what you create, what you love and are passionate about.  The world needs you and you need the world for great things to happen.  You got to show who you are.  Do not hide.  You have way too much to contribute.  So, stand up tall and show world what you’ve got.  Many people will love you, and who don’t – screw them.  They are not worth to get to know you anyway.  Do not shut down because of them.  Keep going.  There are many new people who are dying to know you.  Give them a chance.

Now as for case C, it is never healthy to go to extreme.  These people need to land their feet on the ground, and put their nose at normal level.  Even they do not show it, they have a complex about themselves.  Therefore, treating others badly gives them satisfaction.  The truth is that they are miserable inside and putting others down gives them a pleasure.  What you hold inside, that’s what you project to the world.  Can you imagine what their inside looks like?  Full of anger and miserableness.  Treating others badly is their protection from the world.  What they think is that if they treat others like a dirt, nobody will treat them badly.  Unfortunately, what comes around, goes around.  Most people do not like them for their “royal ass”, and nobody wants to be nice to them.  Now, if they would turn around and treat people with respect, they would be treated that way, too.

Most of my life I was shy with little streaks of bravery. Now I find myself mostly brave with little streaks of shyness. So before, talking in public – forget about it – I was terrified. I even skipped a Speech class in college. To go in front of class was a nightmare. My voice was shaking, my knees were shaking; I felt I’m going to pass out in front of everybody. Then, I realized shyness is only state of mind based on fears:

1) fear of not being good enough,

2) fear of being misunderstood (especially when you have an accent)

3) fear of forgetting speech altogether

4) fear of making fool of myself

5) fear of (fill in the blank)

I realized that all the fears only reside in my mind. Of course, if we think we will screw it up, we will. If we think we can not make a speech or speak in public, we can’t. What we think of that will become. Just know this, all those fears are self-made and only is messing up with your mind, and it is not what you think it is. I took Landmark education courses (that I highly recommend to anyone). By the end, I was volunteering to go in front of the class. I made myself do it, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. Of course, a few times, my knees were still shaking, but I felt more confident because I thought what I want to share was of big importance to others. When you forget about yourself and you think of others, it becomes really easy. All those fears are bull crap, anyway.

1) You are good enough.

2) People will understand you (If some of them will not, they can ask questions later if they are not too shy).

3) You will involve people and perhaps will make a difference in their lives.

4) If you’ll make a fool of yourself, so what – at least you and audience will have a good laugh.

5) (Fill in the blank opposite of your fear)

When I talked, people actually listened. They laughed. And some of them told me that I’m inspiration. So, don’t listen what your fears tell you. Stand up confidently because you have something important to say.

Tips for great public-speaking, I learned:

1) Talk from the heart. Hand-written or printed speech that is read in audience does not sound as effective, as you speak it (no matter if you wrote the speech, or not).

2) If you forget what you wanted to say – make up as you go.

3) Involve audience – ask audience questions and listen for the answers.

4) Make audience laugh – don’t be so serious.

5) Leave audience with something to think about.

Most importantly, practice makes a big difference. Do it not once, but keep doing it. The fear will go away and you’ll be confident as never before. You are too important to be silent.