Posts tagged "relationships"

Forgiveness – what an incredibly awesome feeling in the world! It has so much freedom in it.  It has this huge openness of what is possible!  It is freeing.  It is tearing down all the shackles we put on us.  It gets rid of that huge stone in the heart, that heaviness.  It gets rid of all the pain.

By talking to my brother couple of weeks ago, I realized that before I associated love with pain.  I was confused.  Where there was love, the pain followed.  It manifested all through life: painful relationships, losing beloved pets, deaths.  I carried lots of pain in my heart since childhood.  That pain lasted in adulthood.  Love turned into the pain in a different situations.  Love and pain went hand in hand.

After realizing it, I consciously forgave each person that hurt me.  With some, it was not easy, but I let go all the hurt.  In forgiving, I realized that some people hurt me and others because they were hurt themselves.  Some might not be even aware of the hurt they caused.  Some of them just wanted to be in control, and I am not an easy one to tame.  Some of them might not know any better, considering their own life experiences.  Sure, this does not excuse their behavior.  However, there is no point in dealing with this pain no more.  I’m setting myself free.

There is no power in pain.  While being in pain, we unconsciously hurt not only ourselves, but also others.  Only pure love can solve anything.

The moment I forgave, I saw love, a pure beautiful incredible love – love that I want to explore, that is unknown.  Pain is no longer there.  I want to feel it raw and passionate.  I want to feel love with all my body, within my heart.

In that, brand new door opens to New Possibilities… I can’t wait to experience.

Recently I met my new friend.  We talked for hours, walked in a drizzling rain, went to the beach in the dark.  We had a great time and conversation.

In talking with her, I realized how far I came.  My attitude towards everything has changed.  Like the saying goes, “Do not look for me in the past.  I am not there anymore.”  It rings so true to me.

I realized all the struggles I been through in the past only made me stronger.  The people who treated me unfairly are no longer in my life.  Some things that I would be dead serious about before, just made me laugh.  I know what I want and nothing will stop me.

By talking to my friend, I glanced into my past and right now.  I came a LONG way. Wow!  I am not afraid of little setbacks anymore.  It only makes me stronger.  Setbacks are just a little building blocks that goes to the top of the castle of our dreams come true.

By summing up all our conversations about life and people, an enormous gratitude filled my heart.  I am grateful for:

1. My family and friends.  You are truly amazing, each one of you!

2.  My health.  Where I was and where I am now – HUGE difference!

3.  My pets who give an unconditional bundles of love and joy.

4.  A peace in my heart.  Forgiveness plays a huge part.

5.  My self-confidence.  Gosh, even my back is straight and I see clearer.

6.  My cheerfulness and positivity.  A simple smile makes the whole difference not only for me, but for others.

7.  My creativity and curiosity.  I LOVE making ordinary into extraordinary, to challenge myself to see in creative ways.

8.  Challenges.  They teach me lessons and test me how strong I’ve become.  It builds a character, so bring it on.

9.  New opportunities that unexpectedly present themselves.

10. LIFE.  I cherish every minute that I am alive!

What are you grateful in your life?

People come and go.  Some of them touch our hearts, some of them break them.  Some people come into our lives to give certain lessons.  Some people test our nerves, test how strong we become.  Yet with some people, it feels that we have known them for years.  We can talk to them for hours, and never gets boring.  It seems that they are our soul friends – people who are traveling a similar path.

If we look at our friend circle and people we meet, do we feel empowered?  Or do we feel drained?  Do we feel enthusiastic?  Or do we feel victimized?  How our friends make us feel?

This year, I decided to sort my friends out in a personal life and on social media.  Animal abusers or animal hunters for fun, people who demean women and others are not acceptable in my world.  I had to un-friend some on Facebook.  In personal life, I had to let go of some people as well.  People with chronic victim mentality only drains’ others’ energy.  They are real downers and not willing to change.  Some people just do not deserve to be in our lives.  If they put us down or belittle us, we can choose to let them go.  I did that, and my life became lighter.

Note:  if mentally we are still mad on them, they still have a control over us.  Therefore, forget, forgive and let it go. By being mad, we only hurt ourselves.

I choose to surround myself with people who are amazing, creative, inspiring and empowering.  Yes, we all go through life’s hard stuff.  We all have our stories.  However, if some people choose to complain about it and do not do anything, it is a downer not only for them, but also for us.  We do not need to get into other people’s dramas.

Life is all about going higher and achieving our dreams.  Let’s surround ourselves with people who empower us to be the best.  Let’s be the best for others, too.  Let’s inspire one another.

Happy New Year!  It is a new beginning.  Like Winfrey Oprah said, “another year to make it right.”  The thing is that we go through changes many times:  it could be at a beginning of the year.  It could be after some drastic event happening, like changing a job, losing someone, divorce, kids go to college, retirement, marriage, moving to a new place, etc., etc.  There is also a saying that major changes usually happen after 7 years.

Lately, I and my friends are going through major life changes, too.  So, how to cope with that? How to make changes fun?  First of all, I found the greatest thing to do is to get rid of crap.  Through many years, we collect so much stuff.  Some things we liked before, we do not like it anymore.  Get rid of it.  Our tastes change.  We have so many e-mails that we did not even read, subscriptions that we ignore.  Delete and throw away.   If we take pictures, some pictures seemed nice before. Right now they’re mediocre – delete them or save them on DVD.  There are clothes that we did not wear for years – donate, give away or sell them.  There might be some unfinished projects or writings that we never get to finish, or lost interest in them – throw it away.

Also, not only we got to get rid of old, worn, unfinished stuff, but also the same goes with mental stuff.  All negativity out – to open a new space for positivity.  There might be some people that hurt us in the past.  Don’t you wish that some of them would have a “delete” button?  We can do it in our mind:  we got to forgive them and let it go.  Because if we are mad or upset, we only hurt ourselves – let go of anger and hurt.

Or, here is a brilliant idea:  Use these feelings to make you go higher.  Sometimes anger or being upset gives us a motivation to succeed.  We can channel those feelings to make ourselves only better and stronger.  If somebody said, “You’ll fail,” just say, “Watch Me” and strongly believe that you can do anything you wish and do it.

Also, while we clean old or bad energy out of our lives, we open doors to new opportunities.  The thing is that in this process of getting rid of the stuff, the new ideas come.  In working on these ideas, we got to communicate with people.  That’s how we start something new and exciting.

Moreover, we shall not take on a new crap.  If people do not treat us right or be negative, we have every right to walk away or change a subject.  We do not need their negativity in our lives.  Let’s surround ourselves with friends that lift us up, inspire us, and encourage us.  No more drama and no bullshit.  Also, no more excuses.

These are excerpts from the book “A Walk on the Beach” by Joan Anderson.  This book always inspires me.  So much wisdom here.

Here is a Joan Erikson’s Unconventional Wisdom.  It will make you think.  It will make you come alive.  It will make you feel grateful for what it is.  Make it a fantastic day, and live each moment to the fullest:

1.  OVERDOSE ON THE SENSES.  “Get out of your body, absorbing all that you come in contact with.”

“The great joy is when something happens seredipitously,” Joan says, “like an unexpected breeze, or finding this boat.  I never feel as though I am living unless I am making contact with the world like we’re doing now.  In my youth, I would walk the streets of New York and smell the neighborhoods, all the aromas of people from other places, or walk across the great bridges with rain-soaked hair and the wind on my skin, or go to museums where I would get so close to a painting that I could smell the oil.  Do you know what I mean, dear?” she asks, extending her hand now over the edge of the boat and letting the water race through her fingers.  “We taught early on to stop sensing the world.  Parents say no to their toddlers all the time, when all their child wants to do is sense the world around him.  Pity, isn’t it!  Overdose on the senses is what I say, all the way through life.”

“…the way to feel a whole range of emotions is to use them.”

“I want to be nature – you know, unblemished, natural, primitive, even, That makes all the difference.”

“We came away from that moment realizing the importance of reflection.  If I recall we spent the rest of the afternoon reflecting on reflection.  It’s a matter of using all that is around you, merging your senses with the world like an animal or child would do to find the clarity you seek.  Once again, the key is to loosen up.  Where curiosity and playful discovery are the focus of activity, there’s little opportunity to fail.”

“See, smell, touch, and taste everything… that’s what enlivens and links us in a sensuous way to the world outside ourselves.  It’s the very food we need for our body and soul.”

2. DANCE BEYOND THE BREAKERS.  “Having direction and going after something – going toward that which gives you purpose is the way – otherwise your life becomes avoiding trouble and there is no strength in that.”

“That’s the beauty of this life.  You leave all the rigid rules behind.”

“Dance is so absolutely glorious.  There’s no end to what you can do with pure energy.”  “…especially with modern dance, which isn’t restricting.  Rather, it’s about breaking boundaries.”

“And down the street and onto the beach.  Why not?” she laughs.  “Dance beyond the breakers, that’s what I say… be willing to go as far as you dare.  Hell, it’s one of the few legitimate ways to be sexy and sensuous,” she says, her naughty twinkle appearing again.  “The motion of the whole thing…and the flexibility it evokes!  The lucky ones are those that grow up near water where everything is in motion – you crave it the rest of your life,” she says, reaching for my water glass and taking a gulp.”

“Dance when you’re broken open, and, Dance if you’ve torn the bandage off, Dance in the middle of the fighting, Dance in your blood, Dance, when you’re perfectly free.”

“There should never be any set way to dance.  It’s about losing yourself and giving your body over to the music.”

“Always remember, my dears,” Joan says by way of a toast, “that no matter how hard you dance, not everyone will clap.” She lifts her glass to both of us. “At the very least, from here on in, you’ll be creating your own rules.  Take your dreams by the hand and let them float.  It’s a gift being your own person.  In any case, it’s pretty deadly not to be.”

3. LEAN ON YOUR STRENGTHS.  “In order not to fail in the end, you have to be dependent on yourself and know that you can handle things.  Most importantly, bring a little humor into despair.  Lightness, imagination, flexibility – these are the things that go into making a new start.”

“Adventure gets you to a feeling level and keeps the mind at bay.  Allow your imagination and feelings to follow whatever image moves you.”

“You must have confidence in your body.  It’s a portable world-a wonder, really.  It will get you through anything if you take care of it.”

“Passion is a force, a direction you are moved to.  It comes when you are open and vulnerable…  Still, passion is only a lofty word if you stay closed and not open.  All the words attached to the stages are so grand.  Only when we turn them into verbs and connect them with action do they make sense.  Always remember, dear, that theory without action has no strength at all.”

“It was she who told me that she didn’t hit bottom awfully easily.  “When I do,” she once admitted, “I try to focus, not on the problem but on my strength.  One way out of doldrums is to do something…take action rather than sit passively.”

“I keep telling myself that I can be either powerful like the sea or as weak as the broken shells under out feet.  Of course you know which I’d prefer.”

“One thing I’ve learned is that when you can no longer get in touch with your instinct and intuition, It’s all over.”

“You must imagine your capacities, how much strength you can muster, what you can do even before you set out.  Then you will have the confidence to stretch yourself like never before.”

4. SPONSOR YOURSELF.  “Don’t deny yourself to please others.  You only lose yourself in the promise.”

“Many a woman makes it a goal to know her man without knowing herself, first.  She sees loving him as the solution to her problems, but love soon becomes the center of her problem.  She is thinking rather than feeling her way through the relationship and eventually becomes isolated from the very essence of herself.  That is a tragedy.”

“Well, in any case, I always envisioned marriage as a collaboration,” she continues.  “Mutuality, reciprocity, interdependence are the keys to the game.  If you don’t have them, what’s the point?”

“We must have sensed a deep need to know ourselves better if we were ever to know anyone else.”

“When you are willing to pull back and look at your neglected dreams and foibles, you bring a newfound energy into your partnership.  You learn to respect what makes you an individual and you learn to accept the other person’s quirks as well.  It isn’t easy work.  The big trap most of us fall into is believing that love and joy always go together.  It can’t possibly be so because truth comes with love and many times truth is not so playful because of its honesty.”

“You get love by participating in it.”

5. SHARE WHAT YOU KNOW. “Be generative.  Pass on what you know.  In sharing there is real delight.  People in every stage depend on other people.  Out of connection real growth happens.  If there is no reciprocity, nothing ever works.”

“It’s not about you, dear.  It’s about being generative and giving back.  Can’t you see how people are sick for the truth?  Nothing in our culture encourages us to break out of the mold.”

“Henry James said that a writer must be willing to embarrass himself,” “Everyone wants to hear the voice of someone who has gone through something real.”

“You have something unique to share, my dear.  People are dying for adventure, and if they can’t make themselves get out there, they will content themselves with living vicariously off of others.”

6. PLAY OUT YOUR EXPERIENCES.  “We don’t stop playing because we grow old.  We grow old because we stop playing.  Anyway, the opposite of play is obey!”

“The point is to be less serious,” Joan says, “and more playful.  Children have it right – that is, until someone knocks sense into them and the life out of them.  I always insist that joy is a duty.”

“If only we could spread our wings and be freer with our bodies, we too could lighten up and recharge our souls.”

“Stop relying so much on your mind and get in touch with experience.”

“It’s one thing to hazard out in a safe place and another in unknown territory.  Taking chances and risking routine are two important ingredients for keeping alive.  Besides, a new panorama always offers fresh insight.”

“I make a silent promise to remember always to strive toward more unimaginable experiences.”

“I have been leveled and grounded by intangibles – such things as endurance, patience, will, commitment – a pleasant combination of active and passive ingredients needed for a harmony and balance.  Sitting here and taking stock forces me to remember and cherish what is to be vitally alive – somehow to transcend the mundane, to be broken and remade.”

“In any case, richness of experience is a potential generator of wisdom.”

“Life works best when there is a flow between times of intentional quiet and informed action. ” Action needs a counterpoint and destiny always develops in silence.”

7. REACH FOR SATISFACTION.  “Does what you are doing (in work or play) satisfy you? Does it make you laugh?  Does it make you sing?  If so, latch on to it.”

“You emerge slowly when you truly listen to your heart.  There’s no putting a time frame on soul work.”

“Practice nonsense, Have some joy during all your trudging, and don’t forget to laugh.  Tears no longer become you.”

“I want to remember to reach for the unknown or exotic as well as a measure of joy.  “It’s there for the taking, ” Joan constantly says, “and we must seize it for ourselves.  The opposite of joy is shame and doubt.  There’s hardly any fun in that.”

8. ALWAYS BE WILLING TO EMBRACE CHALLENGES.  “A good life is like a weaving.  Energy is created in the tension.  The struggle, the pull and tug are everything.”

“It’s the hard that makes it great.”

“The only way to pass the test is to take the test. – Native American Regal Black Swan. “Whether I’m giving a speech, walking my talk, or climbing the mountain, it’s all about taking one step and then another.

“Sigmund Freud though that out of one’s vulnerability comes strength.”

“you need to shake your life up in order to find new intentions.”

“No more asking permission, Whose life is it anyhow?…Besides, haven’t you learned by now that no one ever pushes you towards freedom.  You need to take that for yourself.”

Take Action

Have Adventures

Face Your Fears

Seize the Moments

Tolerate Isolation

Overdose on the Senses

Lean on Your Body

Reach Beyond Your Grasp

“Please let your sun – your concentrated energy, your own submerged authentic vital power – shine out from you.”

I love books.  There is so much wisdom in each one of them.  So much experience, so many lessons to be learned…  Books inspire us, and satisfy our hunger for knowledge.  They let our imagination loose and answers questions, “what if?” “what is more?” “how come?”  They bring us to different worlds.  They open our minds, so we can expand our vision.

Recently, I finished e-book The Road to Wealth by Robert G. Allen.  He is a best-selling author and real estate guru.  Also, he teaches thousands of people real estate tricks and how to start an information empire.  He is wealthy in knowledge and very generous with information.  This is a second book I read by him and looking forward in reading other books of his, including “Nothing Down.”

Here, I want to share some excerpts and quotes from Robert G. Allen e-book, The Road to Wealth, that will make you think, encourage you, inspire you.  It inspired me, for sure.  Enjoy these nuggets of wisdom:

“Confidence comes with practice.”

“Don’t look at the immensity of the goal.  Don’t look down at the penalty for failure.  Just keep your eyes on the next step.”

“You’ll slip and bruise yourself.  Maybe even break a leg, figuratively.  But you’ll heal, and if you maintain the proper attitude, you’ll emerge a stronger, more courageous and less fearful person.”

“Face your fear.  You always find the best fishing holes in the places where the average fisherman is afraid to go.”

“The masses are always afraid.  This leaves more for the few who dare.  We don’t have shortage of opportunity in America.  We have a shortage of courage.  The lakes are teeming with fish.  But you have to dare to climb the cliffs to get them.  Where the risks are great the rewards are greater.

Once you understand this concept, you’ll never lack for anything again.  That is, if you’re able to overcome your fear.”

“As in all fairy tales, if you want to marry the princess, you have to slay the dragon.  The greatest dragon you’ll ever face is your own fear. ”

“If you can learn to live with the fear, the world is yours.”

“Watch the crowd.  Go in the opposite direction.  Success does not come by following the crowd.  Where there are many fishermen, the lakes get fished out fast.  You must not be afraid to go against the grain – to go alone to unclaimed territory.”

“To be successful you must learn to be different.  Find true friends who will admire you for your courage.  Any friend who encourages you to be less than you can be is not real friend by anyone’s standard.  Be different.  While the masses seek security, do the contrary.  March out into the risk.  If the masses huddle in a corner, afraid, stand out from them.  Face your fear.  Look around you.  See the masses standing in lives, waiting for someone to take care of them.  Step out of line and form a new line – with you at the head of it.

If fear of failure causes the multitudes to cower, let this be your cue.  Like all great people before you, determined to fail way to success if necessary.

If the masses yearn to be loved, strive instead to be respected.  It is greater to be respected than to be loved.  For respect is the foundation of love.  There can be no love without it.  When you learn to face your fear, you will come to respect yourself.  And you will be irresistible.  It takes courage to step out of the line marked “security” into the line marked “risk.”

“You’re already wealthy.  You are your wealth.  Wealth is not having.  It’s being.  Nothing you have is as important as what you are.”

“Acceptance is harder to give than advice but infinitely more valuable.”

“From ashes of failure grew my greatest success.”

“If you refuse to accept failure, you cannot fail.  You may fall down a cliff or two, but you must learn to get up, dust yourself off and keep climbing.  Only those who are willing to fail again and again deserve to make it to the top.”

“The brain is the most powerful computer in the world – your personal Einstein.”

“How do you stretch your brain to accept bigger and bigger ideas?  Associate with big thinkers.”

“Often hunches are correct.  Try to create an environment in which hunches can be nurtured.

Feed the faith, starve the doubt.  Learning how to recognize and follow this still-small voice can lead us to levels of success that we could not attain otherwise.

Thus, by listening to positive thinkers, reading positive books and by learning to follow our hunches, we can actually program ourselves to be more successful.

One of the best brain-stretching activities is some form of regular exercise.  Exercise builds self-esteem.  And self-esteem is the fuel that keeps us running after other people give up.  The better you feel about yourself, the more willing you will be to accept those big ideas from others and those hunches from your own computer.”

“You are obliged to help other people in anyway you can because it’s going to come back to you.  Your success is assured if you help enough people get what they want.”

“Whatever you plant in your life, you’re going to get back.”

Smile – what a great way to start a day.  It turns a frown upside down.  Smile does wonders.  It is simple, but effective way to go through the day and make things happen.  It even chases the stress away.

Smile can ease a day.  It brings a natural beauty to the face.  It implies kindness, happiness and joy.  It reminds us not to be so serious.  It reminds us we can play no matter what.  Can you imagine how world would turn if people would smile more.  Not only people, but animals seem to smile, too.  And if we look closely, even nature brings us a smile.

Have a wonderful day filled with smiles!

“Oh, I am just going to do it all by myself,” we think as we strive for independence.  We keep it in mind that as long as we are independent, we can achieve anything.  All by ourselves.  Is this a true independence?  Can we really achieve things by ourselves and not count on anybody?  I believe independence is an illusion.  It creates a separation, and we become alone and misunderstood. We separate ourselves from others.

Why independence is an illusion?  We all are dependent on each other.  Let’s look at nature.  Plants cannot survive all by themselves.  They need soil, rain and sunshine.  Businesses cannot survive by themselves.  They need customers who spend money on products they provide.  Customers depend on businesses to provide food, clothing, service, great living.  We depend on each other for comfort, love, support, care.  Everything and everybody are inter-twined.

Once we start to see that our every action creates a reaction, will we be more conscious of what we do and what we create.  If we see that we are dependent on each other, will we offer more support and care?  Will there be less pain in the world if we rely on each other to make a difference?  Well-being, a better economy, a better living all depend on us, as we equally depend on it.

There is a fine line between being alone and feeling lonely.  Yet, some people think it is the same.  When we are single, our friends constantly want to “fix us” up with somebody.  We are not broken.  They think, we are alone; therefore, we must feel lonely.

Being alone is a physical state.  It might be a transitional phase when we choose to have a time to ourselves.  It might be a time when we need to heal, or we do not feel like having a relationship right now.  Either way, we choose to be that way.  We are comfortable in our skin.  We are self-reliant and independent.  We just enjoy to spend time alone and in the process we grow stronger.  We get to know ourselves better, our wants and needs.

On other hand, feeling lonely is a state of mind.  It is a state when we do not know ourselves well enough; therefore, we are not comfortable.  We can have somebody next to us and still feel lonely.  When we feel lonely, we depend on somebody for our own happiness; we rely on somebody to tell us who we are.  We are not comfortable in our skin.  Therefore, we long for somebody to fill that gap, to show our best when the answer lays in our own hearts.

How to heal loneliness?  The thing is when we are not happy with ourselves, nobody will bring happiness to us.  At first, it might appear that way, but it is an illusion, and it will be a short-lived.  To cure loneliness, we got to find our passions, our loves, what makes our heart sing.  We got to re-discover ourselves and pursue our dreams.  When we are comfortable in ourselves and when the time is right, we might meet someone who will compliment us.