How to Outsmart the Bullies?

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?  We put them in surroundings, where they feel weak, helpless and hurt.

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Never make them mad.  Do not want to infuriate the bull.

If that does not work,

4) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and turn that against them.  Let their own ego self-destruct them.  They will not know what hit them.

5) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, among stronger than him people or among people who make him feel helpless and insecure.

6) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.

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How to Overcome Your Fears?

What are you afraid of?  What do you want to conquer? Who or what you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?

There are so many phobias out there.  Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not.  Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival.  It’s great to have these fears.  If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored.  It’s your inner knowing that something is not right.  You should act on your instinct.  Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee.  Do what your inner knowing tells you to do.  It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.

Then, there are fears that are unreasonable.  You don’t know why, but you afraid of something.  These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks.  Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc.  You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want.  If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.

To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them.  Perhaps,

1. Something scared us in the past;

2. We are scared of consequences. (Example:  afraid to look foolish)

3. What others might think. (this is huge)

We might come up with different reasons.  Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.

In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy.  We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want:  we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc.  If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will.  We will tremble and will not achieve a thing.  The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.

The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result.  Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.”  Do not look at it as fear.  Look at it as a challenge, a game to play.  Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game.  You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes like many people do, to go on adventures, etc., etc.  Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most.  Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you.  Practice makes it easy.  You can win at this game – you better believe it.  Mind is powerful.  We just need to know how to consciously use it.

For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.

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How to forgive your past?

Do you want to feel several pounds lighter?  Do you want that huge stone out of your chest?  Do you want to go forward despite your hurtful past?  There is the way.

We all been hurt by our past at some point in our lives.  I know I was.  We all had somebody who treated us unfairly, badly and in some cases in horrendous ways.  Some of us might been mistreated in physical, some of us in mental and emotional ways.  Physical scars most likely healed, but emotional and mental scars are really hard to heal.  They say time is the best healer.  It’s true.  However, the right attitude makes healing faster.

When you are mad on a person who wronged you, you have all these hating thoughts.  You think all the ways what you would do and say, if you ever meet him or her again.  You might even plot a revenge, or at least you want something bad happen to them, so they would know what pain they caused you.  You work yourself up.  How could they hurt you?  You are in so much pain.

The thing is these thoughts only hurt you.  You run through your past over and over again.  And, people who you hate are going about their business, not even aware of your thoughts.  They even might not be aware of how they wronged you.  The only thing that hurting you is you – your own thoughts and memories.  We all are controlled by our thoughts.  What we think is what our reality is.  Now think of this:  our past is powerless in regards to our now and the future.  The only person that is responsible for our thoughts and feelings – we, and not the person who hurt us.  Would we in the right mind choose to hurt ourselves?  By blaming and hating other, we only are causing pain to us.  We let that person in our minds to still control our thoughts without consciously aware of it.  When in fact, we are the ones who make ourselves miserable.  It’s time to put our past where it belongs – in the past, clear our head and make a space for now and future.  It’s all in our thoughts and choosing.

Some of you might be protesting:  “But he or she did this to me!” Let me make this clear.  Forgiving is in no way condoning and accepting the hurt you or others received.  It does not justify the wrong doing.  Forgiving is accepting that all of it happened in the past, and it does not hurt you right here, right now.  Forgiving is the healing of your own heart.  It is letting go of the past hurts and have a peace of mind.  The wrongdoer only knew how to be according his own dealing with his own reality.

Now, look at your memories this way.  They are the reminders for your own protection that you would not get into the same situation again.  Memories are something to learn from.  All the rest – the past – is history and not here anymore.  You are not being hurt right now.  So, why to torture yourself with thoughts of hate or dislike?  Why to bring your past to now and the future?

When you forgive someone, you have the most lightest feeling.  As if someone took away that heavy stone out of your chest.  When you have no one  to blame, your heart is filled with nothing, but love.

I made peace in my heart and got rid of the stone that was crushing my chest.  Thanks to my hurtful past, I learned many lessons and I know that it made me the person I am today – the strongest I ever been in my entire life.  I even made friends with people who I thought mistreated or insulted me.  Some of it was just misunderstanding.  Now, as long as I stay present, I’m not going to let anybody to treat me like a dirt.

My heart is full of love and forgiveness.

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