Posts tagged "people"

There is a fine line between being alone and feeling lonely.  Yet, some people think it is the same.  When we are single, our friends constantly want to “fix us” up with somebody.  We are not broken.  They think, we are alone; therefore, we must feel lonely.

Being alone is a physical state.  It might be a transitional phase when we choose to have a time to ourselves.  It might be a time when we need to heal, or we do not feel like having a relationship right now.  Either way, we choose to be that way.  We are comfortable in our skin.  We are self-reliant and independent.  We just enjoy to spend time alone and in the process we grow stronger.  We get to know ourselves better, our wants and needs.

On other hand, feeling lonely is a state of mind.  It is a state when we do not know ourselves well enough; therefore, we are not comfortable.  We can have somebody next to us and still feel lonely.  When we feel lonely, we depend on somebody for our own happiness; we rely on somebody to tell us who we are.  We are not comfortable in our skin.  Therefore, we long for somebody to fill that gap, to show our best when the answer lays in our own hearts.

How to heal loneliness?  The thing is when we are not happy with ourselves, nobody will bring happiness to us.  At first, it might appear that way, but it is an illusion, and it will be a short-lived.  To cure loneliness, we got to find our passions, our loves, what makes our heart sing.  We got to re-discover ourselves and pursue our dreams.  When we are comfortable in ourselves and when the time is right, we might meet someone who will compliment us.

I found this really interesting from book Ageless Body, Timeless Mind by Deepak Chopra.  It made some great points about quality of life we choose to have, and how it affects our longevity.

“Trying to articulate a specific “longevity personality” is too constricting for centenarians – the benign, quiet, wise grandfather or grandmother is only one type among many.  Living to be 100 also happens to selfish, sarcastic, and unsociable people.  The common thread is a sense of self-sufficiency that runs much deeper than personality.  To support this point, a 1973 study in New York of seventy-nine healthy people 87 years of age and older found that they almost never went to doctors, were never found in nursing homes, and were rarely in homes for the aged.”

“Jewett’s study saw longevity in broad terms, and the majority of the factors he came up with were subjective, having to do with how these people felt about themselves.  In comparison, the purely objective factors linked to long life were few and very general.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

Not seriously overweight or underweight

Little weight fluctuation over their lifetime

Good general muscle tone

Good grip

Young appearance to skin

Still drives a car and engages in physical activity

PSYCHOLOGICAL CHARACTERISTICS

(Including Lifestyle and Behavior)

Superior native intelligence, keen interest in current events, good memory.

Freedom from anxiety, few illnesses, not prone to worry.

Independence of choice in their vocations.  They tended to be their own bosses.  They worked at farming and in the nursery business, and in the professions of law, medicine, and architecture; others headed small businesses of their own, and in a few cases large businesses.  The majority did not retire early.

Most had been hard hit by the Depression, which came along in their fifties and sixties, but they recovered and built new futures.

They enjoyed life.  All had a degree of optimism and a marked sense of humor.  They responded to simple pleasures.  Life seems to have been a great adventure.  They could see beauty where others saw only ugliness.

Great adaptability.  While many cherished childhood memories, all preferred living in the present with its many changes.

They continued living with satisfaction from day to day.

All may be described as religious in the broad sense, but none exhibited extreme orthodoxy.

They were moderate eaters but willing to experiment.  No special diets.  Diet included a high variety of foods high in protein, low in fat.

All were early risers.  Average sleep was between six and seven hours, although they rested in bed for eight hours.  (Shortened or interrupted sleep is typical in old age.)

No uniformity in drinking habits.  Some drank moderately, some drank too much at times, some abstained.

Smoking – some abstained, a few had smoked very moderately but had long since given it up, a few were inveterate pipe smokers.

Medications – used less medication in their lifetimes than many old people use in a week.

Most drank coffee.

Here are the excerpts from brilliant book by Deepak Chopra, M.D., Ageless Body, Timeless Mind.

“This conclusion came after studying long-lived people from many diverse cultures and periods of history. Active mastery means having autonomy over one’s life and circumstances, not power over others.  Beyond any body of evidence about aging and how to prevent it, the single most important factor is that you make something creative from your existence.”

Ten Keys to Active Mastery:

1. Listen to your body’s wisdom, which expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort.  When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, “How do you feel about this?” If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out.  If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness, proceed.

2. Live in the present, for it is the only moment you have.  Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment.  Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let it go.  The present is as it should be.  It reflects infinite laws of Nature that have brought you this exact thought, this exact physical response.  This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is.  Don’t struggle against the infinite scheme of things; instead, be at one with it.

3. Take time to be silent, to meditate, to quiet the internal dialogue.  In moments of silence, realize that you are recontacting your source of pure awareness.  Pay attention to your inner life so that you can be guided by intuition rather than externally imposed interpretations of what is or isn’t good for you.

4.  Relinquish your need for external approval.  You alone are the judge of your worth, and your goal is to discover infinite worth in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks.  There is great freedom in this realization.

5. When you find yourself reacting with anger or opposition to any person or circumstance, realize that you are only struggling with yourself.  Putting up resistance is the response of defenses created by old hurts.  When you relinquish this anger, you will be healing yourself and cooperating with the flow of the universe.

6. Know that the world “out there” reflects your reality “in here.” The people you react to most strongly, whether with love or hate, are projections of your inner world.  What you most hate is what you most deny in yourself.  What you most love is what you most wish for in yourself.  Use the mirror of relationships to guide your evolution.  The goal is total self-knowledge.  When you achieve that, what you most want will automatically be there, and what you most dislike will disappear.

7.  Shed the burden of judgment – you will feel much lighter.  Judgment imposes right and wrong on situations that just are.  Everything can be understood and forgiven, but when you judge, you cut off understanding and shut down the process of learning to love.  In judging others, you reflect your lack of self-acceptance.  Remember that every person you forgive adds to your self-love.

8. Don’t contaminate your body with toxins, either through food, drink, or toxic emotions.  Your body is more than a life-support system.  It is the vehicle that will carry you on the journey of your evolution.  The health of every cell directly contributes to your state of well-being, because every cell is a point of awareness within the field of awareness that is you.

9. Replace fear-motivated behavior with love-motivated behavior.  Fear is the product of memory, which dwells in the past.  Remembering what hurt us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself.  But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt.  That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love.  Motivated by the truth inside you, you can face any threat because your inner strength is invulnerable to fear.

10. Understand that the physical world is just a mirror of a deeper intelligence.  Intelligence is the invisible organizer of all matter and energy, and since a portion of this intelligence resides in you, you share in the organizing power of the cosmos.  Because you are inseparably linked to everything, you cannot afford to foul the planet’s air and water.  But at a deeper level, you cannot afford to live with a toxic mind, because every thought makes an impression on the whole field of intelligence.  Living in balance and purity is the highest good for you and the Earth.

This is 4th book I read by Deepak Chopra.  Interestingly, when I read his thoughts, I catch myself thinking mostly the same.  I get pleasantly surprised when I find some of his expressions are exact like mine, as if we speak the same language.

Relationships and friendships come and go.  Sometimes we feel we put everything into it, but for some reason it is not working out.  We drift apart, and our hearts are broken.  Or are they?  Relationships and friendships might not work out, but our hearts keep beating.  They are strong and keep us alive.  Sure, they might hurt for awhile, if we let it.  We might start guarding our hearts by putting up the wall.  We think, “I’ll never get married again,” “I don’t want to get into relationship again,” “I will never trust anybody again.”  So, we lock our hearts away, put a huge protective wall and stop taking chances.  We tell ourselves, “We need time to ourselves,” or “We need time to heal.”  For some of us, it might take a short time, but for some of us it might take years to open up again.

So, when we think that our heart is broken, we carry with us our past hurts, a fear to be open again, a fear to be vulnerable.  Certainly, our hearts hurt because we carry with us all this baggage filled with hurtful memories, regrets, pain, anger, fears, what ifs, hopes, failed expectations.  Can you imagine life without all this heaviness?  Can you imagine heart feeling light?  It is possible.  It’s not easy, if we let our minds to control what we feel.  It is only possible if we get rid of all the past negativity through:

1) Forgiveness and letting it all go;

2) Letting our heart to feel what it wants to feel without mind interference;

3) Learning to love ourselves and focus on new possibilities.

Forgiveness…  Oh, I can now hear the protests, “But he or she did so and so!” Do you know that by carrying grudge, anger, or sadness and reliving painful moments, we only hurt ourselves?  It does not affect the person that hurt us.  It only affects us and our hearts.  So why torture ourselves with that?  The next thought:  What if that person who hurt us did not know any better given their own life experiences, or lack of?  There is no way this is an excuse, but from their point of view and circumstances, they thought they are right, they needed to be in control, or they might not be aware that they hurt us.  We are not in their shoes.  Therefore, we can not understand them where they were coming from at the time.  We all deal with stuff in our own ways.  Forgiveness is not for the sake of other person and does not excuse for the way they wronged us.  Forgiveness is a strength.  It is letting go what happened in the past, and not letting to affect us and our decisions in the now.  Can you imagine your heart free?  That’s the way to go.  Let it all be left in the past and not the present and the future.

Once we got rid of the past headaches, we will feel our hearts filled with so much love:  love for family, friends, animals, nature, LIFE.  The key is not to let our minds to control what we feel.  If the mind remind us about being hurt and if we concentrate on that hurt, it might bring the same situation we been before.  Now, if we trust our hearts and let it feel, it might lead us into a new love.

By opening our hearts to life, we open ourselves to new possibilities, new ways to experience things.  Our hearts never wrong us if we only really listen to them closely.  We are born with a “hunch,” with “inner knowing.”  Sometimes all we need is to quiet our minds, to hear it.

The third way how to heal our hearts is to learn to love ourselves, to accept ourselves the way we are.  I do not say to be conceited, like “Look who I am.”  To love ourselves means to know what we want in life and go for it, to be the best we can be and share our passions and talents with the world, to establish who we are regardless of others’ expectations.  Once we learn to love ourselves, we will attract love and respect of others.  We will be strong to recognize environment and people who are harmful to us.  Therefore, we will not get into bad situations.  Once our heart is filled with love, we’ll concentrate on just that.  That’s how we will attract love to ourselves by giving love and care to others.

We all have major changes in our lives when we need to start over.  It could be losing a job, losing a relationship, moving, or as simple as starting a new year, a week.  Each day can be a start over, too, if we choose.

Starting over is not easy for some of us.  We do not even know how to do it.  We feel lost.  We keep falling into traps that keeps us in the known, familiar, comfort (even when we hate it).  So, what does it take to get out of these traps?  How to go forward and create life we wish?

First, let’s identify the traps.  They usually are:

1) Looking back

2) What ifs

3) Victimhood

4) Attachment

5) Fear and resistance to change

These traps are usually intertwined, and it is not easy to get out.  One leads to another, and we feel trapped like in a spider web, feeling paralyzed with fear.  So, how to untangle ourselves?  How to use these traps to our advantage?

First, we often can’t help but look back.  Oh, memories…  “Those were good old days,” or “He or she is such a jerk.”  Positive or negative, our necks probably hurt from keep turning back.  This is the past, and we got to make a peace with it.  “The Past is Powerless” like Eckhart Tolle said in his book The Power of Now.   It does not affect us at this moment.  Only we affect ourselves by our own thoughts that we choose to have.  Nothing is wrong with remembering.  It only becomes hurtful if we choose to “relive” the bad.  Why torture ourselves?  When memory comes, we just got to observe it and let it go and think to ourselves, “This thought does not do any good for me.”  We can choose to have any thoughts and memories if we stay in the now.  Like in Landmark Education, I learned a phrase, “How can you drive forward, if you are looking back in rear-view mirror at all the times?”

Looking back also entails “what ifs.” What if we should have done that differently?  What if I’ll stay single forever? What if I’m too old to date?  What if I’m not going to find another job?  What ifs never end if we let it.  What ifs are only what ifs.  It is mambo jumbo of our over-analyzing mind and most of it is just a waste of time thinking and it is fear-driven.  If something is doable, let’s do it.  Other than that, let’s concentrate on our Now and future right at this minute.

Once we end a bad relationship or quit a bad job, we can’t help but feel victim.  So and so treated us badly, and we keep reliving our past.  Once again, we look back with resentment, regrets, anger, sadness, etc.  We are responsible for our own thoughts, so why we want to suffer again?  Plus, we did not realize back then that we are strong.  We felt as a victim instead.  That’s why people mistreated us.  If we would not allow ourselves to be a victim and be strong, we would not fall in this situation in the first place.  We live and learn.  So, let’s be strong, stand up for ourselves and never be or feel victim again.

The next trap is attachment.  We love familiar.  Some of us hate or afraid of change so much, we are willing to stay in any situation, even when it is detrimental to us.  That’s why we keep coming back to the same situations over and over again.  It is our state of mind that keep us trapped.  We cling to familiar and to known.  We hate our jobs, but we stay there because of our steady paycheck, benefits, everything is familiar.  We stay in bad relationship, hoping things will change for the better, but it never does.  It is familiar, and we do not know how to get out.  We attach ourselves to jobs, people, familiarity.  Change is always good.  Let’s re-program our minds and go for what we want.  If something is not working , we got to let it go and look for alternative.  We are worth all the best.  Therefore, we should not settle for anything less.  If we overcome fear of change, and challenge ourselves in unfamiliar territories, we will learn so much new.  We will get unstuck from our past, and starting over will feel like a new adventure, a new life we are worth living.

Now let’s imagine our new life.  We have an empty canvas, or a sheet of paper.  What colors we will choose?  What words we will write?  What pictures we will create?  It is all up to us.

A cold natural stone becomes warm and ignited once touched by caring hands.  Imagination comes into play.  Colors, design, and inner vision – all ties up into a beautiful masterpiece.  Dalia Koss is a master designer who makes every woman look beautiful.  Her energy is captivating and women feel it by wearing her necklaces.  Her shared love and passion radiates in every piece she creates.  The necklaces become a part of the women.  Instant connection make women feel special, beautiful, brave, fun, as if the masterpieces they wear have some magical power.

Sandy in Dalia Koss Unique Jewelry

The expression, the mood, the pose, a sense of calm, a soft skin tone are all portrayed in Brent Twit‘s work.  His passion for detail and beauty make people real in his paintings.  His love flows in his works of art and it shows.

Last week, I went to  William Wolk‘s gallery and felt instant love and passion for his work.  I am passionate about animals myself.  Therefore, I could feel his each brush stroke.  His paintings were works of love for nature and beautiful creatures.  Each feather, each muscle, the whole detail…  Each brush stroke made a magnificent creature come alive.

What these artists have in common?  They all have a passion for their work.  Passion – what a beautiful word.  It is something that can not be taught.  It is something that can not be touched.  It is only can be felt within our hearts.  We are either born with it or we develop it in later years.  Some of us might not even know what are our passions.  It is only because we did not awaken what is deep within our hearts yet.  Let’s stop and ask ourselves “What is our passion?  What we would like to do today?  What lights up our inner fire?”

Passion is our inner knowing, love for what we do.  Passion can be expressed in infinite ways.  We express our inner world into the outside world.  We express what we see, what we feel, what we hear, what we touch, what we taste.  It is about endless imagination and creative ways.  We create for the world to enjoy.  If we put all our heart into creation and our whole passion, many people will be awed and inspired.

So, what is your passion?  What would you like to do more than anything in the whole world?  Awaken what is inside of you, and let your heart blossom.

A Star…  What comes to your mind when you think about it?  Sure, there are stars at night…  What else?  How about Movie Stars, Star Athletes, Rock Stars, You Tube Sensations, famous artists, etc.? We all look up to our role models.  We want to be just like them, or we just admire their talent and creativity.

Now, can we think of ourselves as Stars?  Can we become one?  Do we want to become one?  For those who say “No,” why not?  The reasons will pour, “Have no resources, no time, being too old, too young, too late, not good enough, kids is priority, too broke, nobody sees our potential, and many more.  These reasons are just butts.  The stars we look up to are just ordinary people leading extraordinary lives because they chose to follow their dreams.  Most of us did not see their struggles, their rejections, their failures.  We only see their successes.  Everybody started from somewhere and for most of them it was not easy.  The breakthrough came when they stuck with their dreams no matter what.  They persisted and they won.

So, can we be Stars? Do we see our family and loved ones as Stars?  Some of us already are.  We just do not look at it this way.  For example, my Mom Dalia Koss is a famous jewelry designer whose creativity is never-ending.  Her unique jewelry are not only works of art, but women feel renewed and rejuvenated when they wear Dalia Koss jewelry.  Many women ask why jewelry feel so good and so comfortable to wear.  The answer is Dalia puts her heart and loving touch into her creations.  That’s why they feel magical.

Photo courtesy of daliakoss.com

My brother Max Spiker is a star extraordinaire.  He is not only a world traveler, he is an inspiration to everybody.  He touches everyone’s life with his love, passion, generosity, giving, wisdom and creativity.  He does everything with open heart and expanded mind.  I am so lucky to have brother like him.

His girlfriend Ashley at Shoerazzi.com is a Shoe Princess.  With her insightful and creative blog, she satisfies every shoe-lover’s desires.  Ashley is giving, kind, smart and really passionate.  It shows brightly in her work.  She is a Shoe Star.

I am so fortunate to have my Star family.  You probably ask how about me? I put my heart into my writing and photography.  I am work-in-progress Star, I see myself as being published writer and photographer.  My photos are already published in stories, were used for creative artwork, and in the ads and in magazines.  Also, the movie “A Lot in Common – Shared Memories” where I was a still photographer, was selected for Sarasota Film Festival.

How about you?  What Star do you have within that can’t wait to come out? What makes you come alive and gives huge sparkles in your eyes?  What is your passion?  What is in your heart that you wish to share with the world? Who you want to be, no “buts” and “somedays” about it?  Dreams are attainable if we persist.

May you be a  Star because Anything is Possible .  Best Wishes and Thank you for being my reader.

I love Holidays.  Seeing  the streets lit up with Christmas lights, and stores decorated with ornaments just puts me in a cheerful Holiday mood.  Most importantly, this is the season of happy times and togetherness with family and friends.

Yet some of us get stressed out over Holidays.  We have our own reasons for it.  This guide will help you to make through Holiday season with flying colors.

Wish you a season of togetherness, even some of you do not feel like it.

The key is to stick with likeable members and friends.

or to get preoccupied with something important

Confused what to give for Christmas?

Just follow your friends and family closely.

and see what makes their eyes sparkle.  That’s a clue for gift giving.

In all the chaos, shopping, decorating, do not forget to have a “Me” time.

Most importantly, have lots of fun!

And take time to enjoy the moments that take your breath away.

Wish you a joyful Holiday Season filled with lots of love, togetherness and fun.

How many of us can look in the mirror and really like ourselves, without being critical?  Or seeing ourselves in the pictures without pressing the “Delete” button? Or even let others take pictures of us?  Do we really “see” ourselves for who we are?

We want to look perfect, thin, beautiful, smart, dressed up, with make up on to look somewhat decent.  We want to wait for someday to look just right: after vigorous exercise regime, after we lose some pounds, after someday we be happy… The list goes on. We keep chasing that “perfect” image of us that keeps eluding us.

According to Wikipedia‘s definition of Beauty, according to history, I found “The Koine Greek word for beautiful was ὡραῖος, hōraios, an adjective etymologically coming from the word ὥρα, hōra, meaning “hour”. In Koine Greek, beauty was thus associated with “being of one’s hour”. Thus, a ripe fruit (of its time) was considered beautiful, whereas a young woman trying to appear older or an older woman trying to appear younger would not be considered beautiful. In Attic Greek, hōraios had many meanings, including “youthful” and “ripe old age”.^“

The big question is “Why?” Why do we want to be perfect?  Is it for us or for others?  Is that our opinion, or others’?  What if today we would accept ourselves the way we are?  What that would be like?  What if others’ opinions do not really matter?  Some of us might protest, “Yeah, but my career/relationship… depend on it,” and other “yeah, buts.” It is just a butt.  It is all in our heads.  Perhaps we got to look elsewhere for our career, perhaps we got to surround ourselves with people who accept the way we are.  Or perhaps we got to accept ourselves first.  This is where we have to start.  When we start accepting ourselves no matter what, others will accept us, too.  If they will not, it will not matter to us anymore as long as we know who we are.  We ourselves can make us happy anytime we want to.  We do not need to depend on others for happiness.  It is our own choice.

Why do we want to be perfect (according others’ opinion) anyway?  We are not them and they’re not us.  We are ourselves, and nobody is like us, which we can learn to embrace it.  Nature is imperfect.  That’s why it is so beautiful.  The same here.  We are all unique, all kinds of shapes and forms.  Each one of us have unique talents, unique gifts, unique looks.  Can we imagine how boring it would be if we all would look the same and act the same?  Plastic surgeons already are making some people look the same with big lips, straight nose, fake unmovable smile.  Why in the world do we want to look like that?

When we do depend on others and reach for their approval, we become like zombies, not ourselves, and less of who we are.  We even start to live others’ lives, lives according others’ opinion.  In our minds, we care for others, but we do not really see ourselves.  We become unhappy and depressed and we do not know who we are anymore.  We hit “identity crisis.” This is an extreme case, of course, when we devote ourselves to others without leaving anything for ourselves.

We all make mistakes.  We all have our stories.  That’s how we see and learn from life.  We either embrace it – our lives, our lessons and dreams, even our bodies, or we let others to control us the way we look, the way we feel, the way we see and the way we act.  It is all up to us.  Do we want a ship to take us anywhere, or do we want to grab a wheel and choose our destination of our lives and dreams?  Do we want to live our lives or others’?

Who are you for yourself (without others’ opinion)? What do you do for your own enjoyment that lights up your eyes, puts you on the seventh cloud and makes your heart sing? What do you have as a result of it?

If it too hard to answer these questions, dream the answers.  Dream it big.  It is your life.  It is your dreams.  It is not others’.  It is all yours.  Keep your wheel in your hands, and lead your heart to your desired destination.  Where would you go?

Love and gratefulness are very synonymous, that it could be used in one word: Lovefulness.  When we love, we are grateful, and when we are grateful, we love.  Love can be romantic, and love can be for family and friends.  Also, love can be for life.  When we have love in our hearts, everything we do reflect that.  We become passionate.  We have a zest for life.  We start to notice small things that matter.  We appreciate many things in our lives, unnoticed before.  Our faces light up, and our hearts expand.  We have a great care for each other.  We even start to see hearts everywhere, unexpectedly:

Hearts in the sky

Hearts in Morning Glory

Heart inside the stone

We can even make our own heart in the sand

A heart between orchid petals

A heart in the flower

Hearts in Bougainvillea

Heart between the tree branches

Even puppy has a heart on her forehead

A heart on Sandhill Crane’s head

A heart within a heart <3

Now have you noticed hearts yourself?  Where?  When we have an attention on love, it represents itself in different shapes and forms.  How does it represent to you?