“What do you do?” – that’s a common question we ask or being asked.  The answer ranges anywhere from being a doctor to a housewife, and everything else in between.

The thing is does this “title-ing” define us?  Or, is it limit us to perceptions?  Are we are our occupation?  If we are unemployed, does this makes us losers?  Or, are we more than that?

I believe “title-ing” is very limiting.  It only shows a tiny part of us.  It only puts us in a box and it does not show the whole picture.  I think, the better questions to ask would be, “What are your passions?  What do you live for? What makes you come alive?” – that opens up the whole new perspective, the wholeness, the sum.  These questions might even make a person to stop and think.  They might open up a hidden hole showing what they’re missing in their lives…

Circumstances…  What are they, anyway?  Do they define who we are?  Do they define our destiny?  Do they control where and what we want to be?  Or, they are just excuses in our mind not to do things we want to do?

There might be infinite circumstances (illness, financial problems, dysfunctional family, bad relationships, unfair work environment, difficult childhood, etc., etc.) that seemingly we cannot control.  We go about life blaming our circumstances that we cannot achieve things we want to achieve.

We do not realize that all this is just voluntary blocks we put on our dreams.  They are just excuses.  It is so easy to blame our life’s circumstances.  It seems so reasonable.

We all have our minds, right?  So, why we let circumstances to control us instead we control our circumstances?

A few examples of people who despite very difficult times, achieved unbelievable are:  Christopher Reeve, Oprah Winfrey, Coco Chanel, Ed Roberts, Chris Gardner.

]]> http://wonderocity.com/circumstances/feed 0 http://wonderocity.com/how-to-outsmart-the-bullies http://wonderocity.com/how-to-outsmart-the-bullies#comments Fri, 30 Apr 2010 20:10:18 +0000 ineta http://wonderocity.com/?p=142

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?  We put them in surroundings, where they feel weak, helpless and hurt.

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Never make them mad.  Do not want to infuriate the bull.

If that does not work,

4) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and turn that against them.  Let their own ego self-destruct them.  They will not know what hit them.

5) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, among stronger than him people or among people who make him feel helpless and insecure.

6) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.

]]> http://wonderocity.com/how-to-outsmart-the-bullies/feed 4 http://wonderocity.com/comfort-vs-uncertainty http://wonderocity.com/comfort-vs-uncertainty#comments Thu, 01 Apr 2010 19:45:28 +0000 ineta http://wonderocity.com/?p=83

Comfort… What a sweet word.  We do anything for comfort.  Comfortable clothes, comfortable shoes, comfortable coaches, comfortable living spaces, comfortable life…

On other hand, uncertainty scares us.  We run away from it.  We avoid it for as long as we can.  We fight it.  We hide from it in a comfort of our lives.  Definitely, we are creatures of comfort.

Life has to be in a balance.  What often times we don’t realize is that when we are in too much comfort, we stop learning.  It certainly great to be comfortable.  However, if there is no challenge in life, we get stuck in our routines without learning anything.  We work our everyday jobs, doing things over and over again.  Days go by really fast and we become dull, stuck in our everyday life.  We are happy where we are, but deep inside we know that something is missing.  We got to snap out of it and challenge ourselves to do something new, something challenging, something uncertain.

Uncertainty, on other hand, challenges us.  It brings us the new opportunities, lessons to learn.  Good or bad – but there are always lessons.  Uncertainty brings out our instincts to work.  In some cases, it puts us in a survival mode.  It is a great teacher.  It is like opening new doors, and it is your choice which way to go.  Of course, too much uncertainty is not good for us.  It causes lots of stress.  It causes lots of stress when we fight uncertainty as well, and not let it naturally flow.

There should be a balance.  When we feel we stop growing and we get set too much in our comfortable ways, it is time to find new challenges:  take lessons, learn new languages, change a career, find a new partner, go out there and learn something we always wanted to learn.  Open those doors and let yourself go in whichever direction you may choose.  The answer is right inside of you.

]]> http://wonderocity.com/comfort-vs-uncertainty/feed 0 http://wonderocity.com/doers-critics-and-someday-ers http://wonderocity.com/doers-critics-and-someday-ers#comments Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:10:45 +0000 ineta http://wonderocity.com/?p=27

There are three kinds of people in this world: Doers, Critics and SomeDay-ers. Doers always achieve what they want despite critics’ opposition. Critics never achieve anything because they are busy criticizing everyone. SomeDay-ers are the dreamers who wish to do things some day. However, some day never comes, so they keep dreaming…