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Posts tagged "hurt"

How to Come Out of the Shell?

Many of us in life get hurt.  Our hearts get broken, and we close ourselves in the shell.  Sometimes we come out of it, and get smacked over the head, and we go back into the shell again.  Some of us stay closed in for the most part of our lives.

In our minds we feel safe, unhurt, comfortable in our shells, so why bother to risk?  Why to risk to get hurt again?  What we do not realize is that by staying inside our shells, we miss out on life big time.  We miss out on new opportunities, new ways of life.  So, how to come out of this shell?  How to stop this vicious cycle?  We got to find out why we are in the shell in the first place.  It could be one or all these reasons:

1.  Our heart is broken and we need time to heal.

2.  We think we are not worth it.

3.  We think we are not good enough.

4.  We do not want to get hurt again.

5.  Any other reason.

If our heart is broken, there is nothing wrong to take time off to heal.  It might take months or even years to rebuild our heart from the scratch.  It is different for every person.  Only we can choose how much time we need.  It is all in our minds.  As long as we do not close ourselves forever, we can take as much time as we have to.  The problem would occur if we choose to be in the shell as our way of life or reason one becomes reason 2, 3, 4 and maybe 5, which are a plain nonsense.  We usually look at outside world for confirmation for who we are.  If we do not know our true selves or we do not see who we are for ourselves, the outside world can give us every stupid opinion.  It can turn us in whatever direction they want, and we believe in it.  If somebody tell us that we are ugly, stupid, fat, idiots, we believe them.  We will start seeing that we are not worth it and we are not good enough, and we will close ourselves in the shell.

Now if we have a firm belief who we are and do not look for acceptance in outside world, no matter who will say anything to us, we will just laugh at them and think they are nuts.

In other way, if we are closed in our shelves, nobody will know who we truly are.  We will not be able to show who we are to others allowing them to make wrong assumptions about us.  When they do, we get hurt because we know it is not true.

The only way out of it is to get to know ourselves and stand our ground and show the world who we are, and get people really to know us.  By sharing us and our gifts with the world, we will not give a chance for people to make wrong assumptions about us.

If we choose to be closed in, we will miss out on the world and the world will miss out on us.  We are too good and too important to hide.

How to Outsmart the Bullies?

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and see if you can help them with that.  Perhaps you can make friends unexpectedly.

4) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, be among or make friends with stronger than them people or among those who make them feel helpless and insecure.

5) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.