How to unbreak (heal) our hearts?

Posted by ineta on Feb 26, 2011 in love, starting over

Relationships and friendships come and go. Sometimes we feel we put everything into it, but for some reason it is not working out. We drift apart, and our hearts are broken. Or are they? Relationships and friendships might not work out, but our hearts keep beating. They are strong and keep us alive. Sure, they might hurt for awhile, if we let it. We might start guarding our hearts by putting up the wall. We think, “I’ll never get married again,” “I don’t want to get into relationship again,” “I will never trust anybody again.” So, we lock our hearts away, put a huge protective wall and stop taking chances. We tell ourselves, “We need time to ourselves,” or “We need time to heal.” For some of us, it might take a short time, but for some of us it might take years to open up again.

So, when we think that our heart is broken, we carry with us our past hurts, a fear to be open again, a fear to be vulnerable. Certainly, our hearts hurt because we carry with us all this baggage filled with hurtful memories, regrets, pain, anger, fears, what ifs, hopes, failed expectations. Can you imagine life without all this heaviness? Can you imagine heart feeling light? It is possible. It’s not easy, if we let our minds to control what we feel. It is only possible if we get rid of all the past negativity through:

1) Forgiveness and letting it all go;

2) Letting our heart to feel what it wants to feel without mind interference;

3) Learning to love ourselves and focus on new possibilities.

Forgiveness… Oh, I can now hear the protests, “But he or she did so and so!” Do you know that by carrying grudge, anger, or sadness and reliving painful moments, we only hurt ourselves? It does not affect the person that hurt us. It only affects us and our hearts. So why torture ourselves with that? The next thought: What if that person who hurt us did not know any better given their own life experiences, or lack of? There is no way this is an excuse, but from their point of view and circumstances, they thought they are right, they needed to be in control, or they might not be aware that they hurt us. We are not in their shoes. Therefore, we can not understand them where they were coming from at the time. We all deal with stuff in our own ways. Forgiveness is not for the sake of other person and does not excuse for the way they wronged us. Forgiveness is a strength. It is letting go what happened in the past, and not letting to affect us and our decisions in the now. Can you imagine your heart free? That’s the way to go. Let it all be left in the past and not the present and the future.

Once we got rid of the past headaches, we will feel our hearts filled with so much love: love for family, friends, animals, nature, LIFE. The key is not to let our minds to control what we feel. If the mind remind us about being hurt and if we concentrate on that hurt, it might bring the same situation we been before. Now, if we trust our hearts and let it feel, it might lead us into a new love.

By opening our hearts to life, we open ourselves to new possibilities, new ways to experience things. Our hearts never wrong us if we only really listen to them closely. We are born with a “hunch,” with “inner knowing.” Sometimes all we need is to quiet our minds, to hear it.

The third way how to heal our hearts is to learn to love ourselves, to accept ourselves the way we are. I do not say to be conceited, like “Look who I am.” To love ourselves means to know what we want in life and go for it, to be the best we can be and share our passions and talents with the world, to establish who we are regardless of others’ expectations. Once we learn to love ourselves, we will attract love and respect of others. We will be strong to recognize environment and people who are harmful to us. Therefore, we will not get into bad situations. Once our heart is filled with love, we’ll concentrate on just that. That’s how we will attract love to ourselves by giving love and care to others.

Tags: forgiveness, health, heartbreak, how to heal our hearts, how to start over, how to unbreak our hearts, inspiration, life, love, men, new love, new possibilities, opinion, people, personal, photos, pictures, post and photos by Ineta McParland, reflections, relationships, romance, self love, thoughts, women, wonderocity

How to forgive your past?

Posted by ineta on Apr 21, 2010 in starting over

Do you want to feel several pounds lighter? Do you want that huge stone out of your chest? Do you want to go forward despite your hurtful past? There is the way.

We all been hurt by our past at some point in our lives. I know I was. We all had somebody who treated us unfairly, badly and in some cases in horrendous ways. Some of us might been mistreated in physical, some of us in mental and emotional ways. Physical scars most likely healed, but emotional and mental scars are really hard to heal. They say time is the best healer. It’s true. However, the right attitude makes healing faster.

When you are mad on a person who wronged you, you have all these hating thoughts. You think all the ways what you would do and say, if you ever meet him or her again. You might even plot a revenge, or at least you want something bad happen to them, so they would know what pain they caused you. You work yourself up. How could they hurt you? You are in so much pain.

The thing is these thoughts only hurt you. You run through your past over and over again. And, people who you hate are going about their business, not even aware of your thoughts. They even might not be aware of how they wronged you. The only thing that hurting you is you – your own thoughts and memories. We all are controlled by our thoughts. What we think is what our reality is. Now think of this: our past is powerless in regards to our now and the future. The only person that is responsible for our thoughts and feelings – we, and not the person who hurt us. Would we in the right mind choose to hurt ourselves? By blaming and hating other, we only are causing pain to us. We let that person in our minds to still control our thoughts without consciously aware of it. When in fact, we are the ones who make ourselves miserable. It’s time to put our past where it belongs – in the past, clear our head and make a space for now and future. It’s all in our thoughts and choosing.

Some of you might be protesting: “But he or she did this to me!” Let me make this clear. Forgiving is in no way condoning and accepting the hurt you or others received. It does not justify the wrong doing. Forgiving is accepting that all of it happened in the past, and it does not hurt you right here, right now. Forgiving is the healing of your own heart. It is letting go of the past hurts and have a peace of mind. The wrongdoer only knew how to be according his own dealing with his own reality.

Now, look at your memories this way. They are the reminders for your own protection that you would not get into the same situation again. Memories are something to learn from. All the rest – the past – is history and not here anymore. You are not being hurt right now. So, why to torture yourself with thoughts of hate or dislike? Why to bring your past to now and the future?

When you forgive someone, you have the most lightest feeling. As if someone took away that heavy stone out of your chest. When you have no one to blame, your heart is filled with nothing, but love.

I made peace in my heart and got rid of the stone that was crushing my chest. Thanks to my hurtful past, I learned many lessons and I know that it made me the person I am today – the strongest I ever been in my entire life. I even made friends with people who I thought mistreated or insulted me. Some of it was just misunderstanding. Now, as long as I stay present, I’m not going to let anybody to treat me like a dirt.

My heart is full of love and forgiveness.