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Posts tagged "fears"

Acceptance vs. Resistance

The only constant is change.  Yet we resist change with all our might.  We afraid of it like a bad case of flu.  We fight it, we deny the reality, we put the blinds on the change.

What if instead of resisting, we embrace change.  What if we would accept what is happening with us? What is resistance anyway?

Resistance is a being afraid.  It is filled with darkness, fears, anger, victim-hood and unhappiness.  Resistance is looking back to the past, to the familiar and known.  It locks us up in the box within our past experiences.  There is no freedom in it.  It only allows us to see what we already know, a known comfort.   It prevents our growth and learning.

Acceptance, on other hand, is a first step towards the change.  It is intermediary.  Acceptance lets us to go on, gives us an opportunity to glimpse in our future, the first steps to take.  It opens us to the whole new world of possibilities.  Acceptance comes from the place of love, lightness and courage.  It is feeling of the present.  It is like an open canvas.  It is up to us to fill it with colors we want.

What if we’d go about the day or week accepting everything in our life? It might be a struggle at first.  If resistance creeps in,  lets accept it, too.  Let’s acknowledge it, and be present to it.  Let’s see how it feels.  It might be a knot in a stomach, a headache, sleeplessness.  Now, let’s feel it, accept it and let it go.  Letting go is like taking that huge stone out of our chest.  We’ll feel so much lighter.  Now, let’s see what is opening up to us?  What colors we will use in our present and future?  We are masters of our life.

How to Overcome Your Fears?

What are you afraid of?  What do you want to conquer? Who or what do you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?

There are so many phobias out there.  Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not.  Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival.  It’s great to have these fears.  If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored.  It’s your inner knowing that something is not right.  You should act on your instinct.  Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee.  Do what your inner knowing tells you to do.  It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.

Then, there are fears that are unreasonable.  You don’t know why, but you afraid of something.  These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks.  Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc.  You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want.  If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.

To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them.  Perhaps,

1. Something scared us in the past;

2. We are scared of consequences. (Example:  afraid to look foolish)

3. What others might think. (this is huge)

We might come up with different reasons.  Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.

In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy.  We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want:  we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc.  If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will.  We will tremble and will not achieve a thing.  The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.

The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result.  Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.”  Do not look at it as fear.  Look at it as a challenge, a game to play.  Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game.  You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes, to go on adventures, etc., etc.  Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most.  Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you.  Practice makes it easy.  You can win at this game – you better believe it.  Mind is powerful.  We just need to know how to consciously use it.

For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.

How to be Powerful?

Everyone of us are powerful.  Some of us express it more than others.  I’m not talking about having a power over others.  That’s dominance, and not powerful at all.  I’m talking about being powerful in making your dreams come true, inspiring others, leading a great life that you always wanted to have.  Being powerful is to be true to yourself and others, no matter what.  Some of us may argue:  but I do not have resources, I have no luck, have too many responsibilities, etc., etc.  I tell you this:  outside circumstances has nothing to do with it.  It is what inside of us that matters – our own thoughts, and following actions.

What prevents us from succeeding?  What prevents us from being powerful?

Here are 3 main things:

1) We put ourselves in the box;

2) We let others to put us in the box;

3) combination of 1 and 2.

How do we do that?  By limiting thoughts.  Who we are?  Do we really know?  What are we really capable of?  What those boxes consist of? – We usually limit ourselves of what we can and cannot do.  We base our decisions usually on our past, on our fears, on our limitations of our mind – that’s what the boxes are made of.  Or, likewise, we let others set for us what we can and cannot do.  Our mind is made up of our own thoughts.  If we set our mind up that we cannot accomplish something, for sure we will fail.  Now, opposite is true.  If we set our mind to find the way, sure enough we will think of a solution (outside the box) and we will find the way.  Our mind is powerful.  Our mind can come up with infinite possibilities if we only going to let it.  We can think in multi-dimensional ways that we never thought of.  The key is not let the box – the past, the fears, limitations- to get in the way.  Other key is not to let other people to control your thoughts and actions and to be aware when that occurs.  Sometimes, other people try to influence you not out of bad will.  That’s just their way of being.  Or, you trained them that way by being a person they think they know. You can always re-train them when you are aware of it.

There is always a solution for everything.  To find it, you got to be powerful and think outside the box.  Powerful Now consists of powerful thoughts and actions.  How can you be powerful today, right now? Let’s open our hearts and minds.

How to Overcome Shyness? or How to be Confident and Brave?

Some of us, shy people tend to hide from the world.  We do not want anybody to notice us.  As if, we want to hide in our shells and never come out.  That’s severe form of shyness.  Some of us do come out, but as soon as we start to feel uncomfortable, we hide again.  Then some of us are occasional shyers.  We are shy only on certain occasions, usually in unfamiliar environment.  Some of us are so good that we are great examples of camouflage – nobody notices when we come in.  We could turn invisible.

Why we are the way we are?  How to overcome it?  First, we got to go to the core of it.  Why we are shy?

It is all based on fears:

1.  We are not good enough;

2.  Others might laugh at us, criticize us;

3.  We are not worth the attention.

Why we choose to feel that way?  It probably started in our childhood when somebody said to us that we can’t do something; we are not good at it; we look ugly; we are not talented enough, etc., etc.  So, deep inside we believed them and it unconsciously went into adulthood.  We continue carry that with us, and we might not be aware of it.  We started to believe that’s who we are:  incapable and not worthy.  We stopped to trust ourselves, and be incapable to trust others for seeing “real” us.  When we say “I am shy,” – that’s what we project and we make up excuses not to do anything that’s uncomfortable because we are shy.

So, how to overcome shyness?  How to become confident and even brave?

1.  Forget what somebody said in childhood.  It happened in the past and the past is gone.

2.  Who cares what others think.  Do it anyway and keep doing it.

3.  Tell your own self-critic to shut up.

If you feel uncomfortable, do it anyway and repeat it until you feel comfortable.  Practice is the best medicine.  Change your words and mentality.  Instead of “I’m shy,” tell “I’m confident” or “I’m brave” and believe it.  You’ll feel better instantly.  What you feel inside, that’s what you’re projecting to the world.  Think of others.  If they only knew the “real” you and how much you can contribute to others and the world.  Show them and don’t wait another minute.  Share yourself with others.  You’ll be surprised how many like-minded individuals out there who totally will understand you.  Some great geniuses never were known because of their quietness and shyness.  Go ahead!  Show the world what you got!  You were too silent too long.

There still might be people who will criticize you.  Do not pay attention to them.  Do it anyway.  They’re dealing with their world in their own way.  If people will laugh at you, laugh with them.  You might totally confuse them.  Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself either.

Personally, I make games of uncomfortable situations.  If somebody laughs at me when I dance in the car, I think at least they’re having fun now.  I dance even more.  If somebody looks at me with my wind-blown hair because I drive with open windows, I smile at them.  They smile, too.  I felt uncomfortable to speak in public.  I made myself do it until I felt comfortable.  I like to catch people completely by surprise.  I like to challenge myself by putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  By doing that, my shyness evaporates.

What is uncomfortable to you?  Go do it.  Repeat it until it will become a piece of cake.  Then go to the next challenge.  Little by little…  Learn how to laugh at yourself and have fun with it.  If somebody will not going to like it, it’s their problem.

See my blog about 3 types of people here:  doers-critics-and-someday-ers

Need help with public speaking?  See my article here:  how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking