How to Finish What We Started?

We get a brilliant idea; our faces light up; we think of end result; we get excited; and then we let it go.  Or, we start on the idea, and then we never finish.  Or, we consult with others, and let others to put us down.

Why is it we let it go so easily?  Why we give up?  Why we do not go all the way?

There might be five main reasons:

1.  We think of others first (responsibilities);

2.  We listen to critics, including ourselves;

3.  We are afraid of consequences (good or bad);

4.  We have too much on our plate;

5.  We procrastinate.

Would it be great if we would go for that brilliant idea?  Would it be great to finish what we started?  Here are solutions:

I know, responsibilities come first when we think of others.  Did we ever thought that we are important, too?  We are important and worth everything.  So, if we wish to work on the idea, we got to learn how to say “no” to people or situations that get in the way.

We share our idea with somebody.  That person starts to criticize.  Do we listen to them and stop, or we persist on our idea?  Also, we can be the worst self-critics.  Our minds can kill any idea with “what ifs”:  what if it is a bad idea and it would be a waste of time? what if…, etc.  In any case, we should ignore critics and fire our self-critic and go for an idea, no matter what.

Third obstacle is fear.  We might be afraid of consequences.  It also comes with “what ifs”.  Think about this… Would we rather make an idea work, or would rather let it be in our mind and do nothing about it?  I would say, better to try it, then later regret the chances we did not take.  Then we see that somebody came up with the same idea, and we beat ourselves down why we did not do anything about it.  The  fear also might be of success.  It’s unfamiliar territory.  We are afraid of what we do not know.  We are worth of every success.  We got to think of the end result, how much we can contribute not only to ourselves, but to others.  That will keep us going.

Next, we might have too much on a plate.  We multi-task, but do not achieve anything.  We think of all these things to do; we get overwhelmed and end up not finishing anything.  At these situations, we got to look at one project at the time, one step at the time.  Do most important things or even the hardest things first.  Look at most difficult jobs as challenges and go for them.

The last is procrastination.  We think we’ll do it tomorrow, but when tomorrow rolls in, we focus on different things and we entirely forget our project.  We got to focus on our target NOW and back it with ACTIONS.  Do it right now – no ifs about it.

Tags: consquences, critics, drawing by Ineta, fear, how to finish what we started, multitasking, post and photo by Ineta Mcparland, procrastination, responsibilities, self-critic, thinking of others, working on idea

How to Outsmart the Bullies?

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?  We put them in surroundings, where they feel weak, helpless and hurt.

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Never make them mad.  Do not want to infuriate the bull.

If that does not work,

4) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and turn that against them.  Let their own ego self-destruct them.  They will not know what hit them.

5) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, among stronger than him people or among people who make him feel helpless and insecure.

6) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.

Tags: at work, bad word of mouth, being strong, boss, bullies, bully, bullying, business, circumstances, co-worker, cruel, dis-empower, ego, fear, friend, happy, helpless, hurt, insecurities, inspiration, kindergarten, kindness, life, mad, organizations, outsmart, outsmarting the bullies, power, protection, relationships, schools, standing up for yourself, strong, surroundings, victim, weak, weak spot

How to be Brave in Public Speaking? or How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking?

Most of my life I was shy with little streaks of bravery. Now I find myself mostly brave with little streaks of shyness. So before, talking in public – forget about it – I was terrified. I even skipped a Speech class in college. To go in front of class was a nightmare. My voice was shaking, my knees were shaking; I felt I’m going to pass out in front of everybody. Then, I realized shyness is only state of mind based on fears:

1) fear of not being good enough,

2) fear of being misunderstood (especially when you have an accent)

3) fear of forgetting speech altogether

4) fear of making fool of myself

5) fear of (fill in the blank)

I realized that all the fears only reside in my mind. Of course, if we think we will screw it up, we will. If we think we can not make a speech or speak in public, we can’t. What we think of that will become. Just know this, all those fears are self-made and only is messing up with your mind, and it is not what you think it is. I took Landmark education courses (that I highly recommend to anyone). By the end, I was volunteering to go in front of the class. I made myself do it, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. Of course, a few times, my knees were still shaking, but I felt more confident because I thought what I want to share was of big importance to others. When you forget about yourself and you think of others, it becomes really easy. All those fears are bull crap, anyway.

1) You are good enough.

2) People will understand you (If some of them will not, they can ask questions later if they are not too shy).

3) You will involve people and perhaps will make a difference in their lives.

4) If you’ll make a fool of yourself, so what – at least you and audience will have a good laugh.

5) (Fill in the blank opposite of your fear)

When I talked, people actually listened. They laughed. And some of them told me that I’m inspiration. So, don’t listen what your fears tell you. Stand up confidently because you have something important to say.

Tips for great public-speaking, I learned:

1) Talk from the heart. Hand-written or printed speech that is read in audience does not sound as effective, as you speak it (no matter if you wrote the speech, or not). Example – Tiger Woods read public apology did not sound that sincere.

2) If you forget what you wanted to say – make up as you go.

3) Involve audience – ask audience questions and listen for the answers.

4) Make audience laugh – don’t be so serious.

5) Leave audience with something to think about.

Most importantly, practice makes a big difference. Do it not once, but keep doing it. The fear will go away and you’ll be confident as never before. You are too important to be silent.

Tags: acing speech with bravery, being brave, fear, fear of public speaking, inspiration, overcoming fear of public speaking, post and photos by Ineta McParland, public speaking, self-confidence, speech, tips for public speaking