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Posts tagged "circumstances"

Circumstances

Circumstances…  What are they, anyway?  Do they define who we are?  Do they define our destiny?  Do they control where and what we want to be?  Or, they are just excuses in our mind not to do things we want to do?

There might be infinite circumstances (illness, financial problems, dysfunctional family, bad relationships, unfair work environment, difficult childhood, etc., etc.) that seemingly we cannot control.  We go about life blaming our circumstances that we cannot achieve things we want to achieve.

We do not realize that all this is just voluntary blocks we put on our dreams.  They are just excuses.  It is so easy to blame our life’s circumstances.  It seems so reasonable.

We all have our minds, right?  So, why we let circumstances to control us instead we control our circumstances?

A few examples of people who despite very difficult times, achieved unbelievable are:  Christopher Reeve, Oprah Winfrey, Coco Chanel, Ed Roberts, Chris Gardner.

How to Outsmart the Bullies?

We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives:  in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships.  The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.

How do we handle the bully?  Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it?  Let’s define “bully.”  According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus:  bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.”  If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak?  We certainly do not want to choose being that.

Now, let’s look into bully’s mind.  There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.

1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.

2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.

3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.

There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt.  Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.

So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies?  How to outsmart them?  How to protect yourself?

We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful.  How?

1)  For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness.  Bullies feed on that.

2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.

3) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and see if you can help them with that.  Perhaps you can make friends unexpectedly.

4) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless.  For example, be among or make friends with stronger than them people or among those who make them feel helpless and insecure.

5) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness.  Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat.  Always stand up for yourself.)  You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.

Of course, different circumstances require different measures.  Got to play accordingly.  Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.

As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them.  Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth.  If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs.  Stand up for yourself to be respected.  Being bullying is not in job’s description.  If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  You can always choose to be strong.

Influence

Interesting how people change their personalities in different circumstances.  I see some of people I know as fun, genuine, interesting, free, happy.  And then I see them with their partners in completely different demeanor.  They turn into shy, quiet, afraid to look into the eyes and say anything people.  Then, I’ve seen the sweetest and gentle people turn into obnoxious, boisterous, rude ones once with their friends.

How easily we give in into other people’s influences.  Do we want to “look cool” among friends?  Are we afraid what our partner may think if we will be who we really are?  Maybe we will be ridiculed if we say something wrong?  So, that’s why we turn quiet.  Are we who we really are with our partner, who we are with our friends?

Many of us depend on other person’s opinion.  We may turn ourselves into something we are not, just to be liked, or approved, or to avoid the fights.  Is this really a way to go?  Can we be real us in all the circumstances, no matter what?  What if really does not matter what other people think?  Can we be ourselves, then?  What if at the beginning of friendship or relationship we would be who we are, and not “put face on” just to please a partner, would it be so much easier?  Do we afraid somebody might not like us for who we are?  I would say, “So what?”  If friendship and relationship is not meant to be, it is not.  At least, we would not be forced later on to become who we  really are not; or at least, we would not be shocked that person we fell in love turned out completely different person we thought.