“The only regret we have is chances we did not take,” as saying goes.

This is so true.  We go day by day routinely, doing things we usually do, and we feel so comfortable because it is so familiar.  Sometimes, new opportunities present themselves, but we’re either blind to them, or we are afraid to take chances.  So, we ignore them, and again we go day by day.  Yet, we dream for more.  Dreaming alone is not enough.  Why is it so hard to take chances?  The reasons probably are:

1) We think of everybody else first;

2) We think we are not worth it;

3) We think we are not good enough;

4) We are too shy;

5) We are too comfortable;

6)  We are afraid of change.

What if we would be brave to take those chances, regardless?  How we would feel?  Most likely, powerful.  We would make our dreams come true.

But, what if we took some chances and it did not work?  Did we think it was a failure and we stopped trying?  If it did not work at first time, we got to think of it as first step.  First, we got to learn how to crawl before we can learn how to walk.  Also, we should stop “trying.” We got to be “doing.”  Trying will never work.

To be braver each day to take actions, I suggest to start “Taking Chances” journal.  List each day how brave you were by taking new chances.  It will take you out of comfort zone, but it will be worth it.

The keys are:

1) Who cares what others think

2) Always trust your instincts – your inner guide

3) You are good enough and so much worth it.

We are the ones who build our lives for ourselves.  So, what are you going to take a chance on today?

For more inspiration, you can read about famous book rejections that with persistence turned out a HUGE success later:

Famous Book Rejections

What are you afraid of?  What do you want to conquer? Who or what you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?

There are so many phobias out there.  Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not.  Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival.  It’s great to have these fears.  If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored.  It’s your inner knowing that something is not right.  You should act on your instinct.  Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee.  Do what your inner knowing tells you to do.  It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.

Then, there are fears that are unreasonable.  You don’t know why, but you afraid of something.  These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks.  Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc.  You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want.  If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.

To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them.  Perhaps,

1. Something scared us in the past;

2. We are scared of consequences. (Example:  afraid to look foolish)

3. What others might think. (this is huge)

We might come up with different reasons.  Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.

In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy.  We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want:  we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc.  If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will.  We will tremble and will not achieve a thing.  The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.

The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result.  Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.”  Do not look at it as fear.  Look at it as a challenge, a game to play.  Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game.  You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes like many people do, to go on adventures, etc., etc.  Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most.  Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you.  Practice makes it easy.  You can win at this game – you better believe it.  Mind is powerful.  We just need to know how to consciously use it.

For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.

We, shy people tend to hide from the world.  We do not want anybody to notice us.  As if, we want to hide in our shells and never come out.  That’s severe form of shyness.  Some of us do come out, but as soon as we start to feel uncomfortable, we hide again.  Then some of us are occasional shyers.  We are shy only on certain occasions, usually in unfamiliar environment.  Some of us are so good that we are great examples of camouflage – nobody notices when we come in.  We could turn invisible.

Why we are the way we are?  How to overcome it?  First, we got to go to the core of it.  Why we are shy?

It is all based on fears:

1.  We are not good enough;

2.  Others might laugh at us, criticize us;

3.  We are not worth the attention.

Why we choose to feel that way?  It probably started in our childhood when somebody said to us that we can’t do something; we are not good at it; we look ugly; we are not talented enough, etc., etc.  So, deep inside we believed them and it unconsciously went into adulthood.  We continue carry that with us, and we might not be aware of it.  We started to believe that’s who we are:  incapable and not worthy.  We stopped to trust ourselves, and be incapable to trust others for seeing “real” us.  When we say “I am shy,” – that’s what we project and we make up excuses not to do anything that’s uncomfortable because we are shy.

So, How to overcome shyness?  How to become confident and even brave?

1.  Forget what somebody said in childhood.  It happened in the past and the past is gone.

2.  Who cares what others think.  Do it anyway and keep doing it.

3.  Tell your own self-critic to shut up.

If you feel uncomfortable, do it anyway and repeat it until you feel comfortable.  Practice is the best medicine for shyness.  Change your words and mentality.  Instead of “I’m shy,” tell “I’m confident” or “I’m brave” and believe it.  You’ll feel better instantly.  What you feel inside, that’s what you’re projecting to the world.  Think of others.  If they only knew the “real” you and how much you can contribute to others and the world.  Show them and don’t wait another minute.  Share yourself with others.  You’ll be surprised how many like-minded individuals out there who totally will understand you.  Some great geniuses never were known because of their quietness and shyness.  Go ahead!  Show the world what you got!  You were too silent too long.

There still might be people who will criticize you.  Do not pay attention to them.  Do it anyway.  They’re dealing with their world in their own way.  If people will laugh at you, laugh with them.  You might totally confuse them.  Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself either.

Personally, I make games of uncomfortable situations.  If somebody laughs at me when I dance in the car, I think at least they’re having fun now.  I dance even more.  If somebody looks at me with my wind-blown hair because I drive with open windows, I smile at them.  They smile, too.  I felt uncomfortable to speak in public.  I made myself do it until I felt comfortable.  I like to catch people completely by surprise.  I like to challenge myself by putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  By doing that, my shyness evaporates.

What is uncomfortable to you?  Go do it.  Repeat it until it will become a piece of cake.  Then go to the next challenge.  Little by little…  Learn how to laugh at yourself and have fun with it.  If somebody will not going to like it, it’s their problem.

See my blog about 3 types of people here:  doers-critics-and-someday-ers

Need help with public speaking?  See my article here:  how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking

]]> http://wonderocity.com/how-to-overcome-shyness-or-how-to-be-confident-and-brave/feed 0 http://wonderocity.com/how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking http://wonderocity.com/how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking#comments Sun, 28 Feb 2010 01:47:45 +0000 ineta http://wonderocity.com/?p=30

Most of my life I was shy with little streaks of bravery. Now I find myself mostly brave with little streaks of shyness. So before, talking in public – forget about it – I was terrified. I even skipped a Speech class in college. To go in front of class was a nightmare. My voice was shaking, my knees were shaking; I felt I’m going to pass out in front of everybody. Then, I realized shyness is only state of mind based on fears:

1) fear of not being good enough,

2) fear of being misunderstood (especially when you have an accent)

3) fear of forgetting speech altogether

4) fear of making fool of myself

5) fear of (fill in the blank)

I realized that all the fears only reside in my mind. Of course, if we think we will screw it up, we will. If we think we can not make a speech or speak in public, we can’t. What we think of that will become. Just know this, all those fears are self-made and only is messing up with your mind, and it is not what you think it is. I took Landmark education courses (that I highly recommend to anyone). By the end, I was volunteering to go in front of the class. I made myself do it, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. Of course, a few times, my knees were still shaking, but I felt more confident because I thought what I want to share was of big importance to others. When you forget about yourself and you think of others, it becomes really easy. All those fears are bull crap, anyway.

1) You are good enough.

2) People will understand you (If some of them will not, they can ask questions later if they are not too shy).

3) You will involve people and perhaps will make a difference in their lives.

4) If you’ll make a fool of yourself, so what – at least you and audience will have a good laugh.

5) (Fill in the blank opposite of your fear)

When I talked, people actually listened. They laughed. And some of them told me that I’m inspiration. So, don’t listen what your fears tell you. Stand up confidently because you have something important to say.

Tips for great public-speaking, I learned:

1) Talk from the heart. Hand-written or printed speech that is read in audience does not sound as effective, as you speak it (no matter if you wrote the speech, or not). Example – Tiger Woods read public apology did not sound that sincere.

2) If you forget what you wanted to say – make up as you go.

3) Involve audience – ask audience questions and listen for the answers.

4) Make audience laugh – don’t be so serious.

5) Leave audience with something to think about.

Most importantly, practice makes a big difference. Do it not once, but keep doing it. The fear will go away and you’ll be confident as never before. You are too important to be silent.