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Posts tagged "being brave"

How to Come Out of the Shell?

Many of us in life get hurt.  Our hearts get broken, and we close ourselves in the shell.  Sometimes we come out of it, and get smacked over the head, and we go back into the shell again.  Some of us stay closed in for the most part of our lives.

In our minds we feel safe, unhurt, comfortable in our shells, so why bother to risk?  Why to risk to get hurt again?  What we do not realize is that by staying inside our shells, we miss out on life big time.  We miss out on new opportunities, new ways of life.  So, how to come out of this shell?  How to stop this vicious cycle?  We got to find out why we are in the shell in the first place.  It could be one or all these reasons:

1.  Our heart is broken and we need time to heal.

2.  We think we are not worth it.

3.  We think we are not good enough.

4.  We do not want to get hurt again.

5.  Any other reason.

If our heart is broken, there is nothing wrong to take time off to heal.  It might take months or even years to rebuild our heart from the scratch.  It is different for every person.  Only we can choose how much time we need.  It is all in our minds.  As long as we do not close ourselves forever, we can take as much time as we have to.  The problem would occur if we choose to be in the shell as our way of life or reason one becomes reason 2, 3, 4 and maybe 5, which are a plain nonsense.  We usually look at outside world for confirmation for who we are.  If we do not know our true selves or we do not see who we are for ourselves, the outside world can give us every stupid opinion.  It can turn us in whatever direction they want, and we believe in it.  If somebody tell us that we are ugly, stupid, fat, idiots, we believe them.  We will start seeing that we are not worth it and we are not good enough, and we will close ourselves in the shell.

Now if we have a firm belief who we are and do not look for acceptance in outside world, no matter who will say anything to us, we will just laugh at them and think they are nuts.

In other way, if we are closed in our shelves, nobody will know who we truly are.  We will not be able to show who we are to others allowing them to make wrong assumptions about us.  When they do, we get hurt because we know it is not true.

The only way out of it is to get to know ourselves and stand our ground and show the world who we are, and get people really to know us.  By sharing us and our gifts with the world, we will not give a chance for people to make wrong assumptions about us.

If we choose to be closed in, we will miss out on the world and the world will miss out on us.  We are too good and too important to hide.

How to Overcome Your Fears?

What are you afraid of?  What do you want to conquer? Who or what do you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?

There are so many phobias out there.  Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not.  Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival.  It’s great to have these fears.  If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored.  It’s your inner knowing that something is not right.  You should act on your instinct.  Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee.  Do what your inner knowing tells you to do.  It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.

Then, there are fears that are unreasonable.  You don’t know why, but you afraid of something.  These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks.  Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc.  You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want.  If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.

To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them.  Perhaps,

1. Something scared us in the past;

2. We are scared of consequences. (Example:  afraid to look foolish)

3. What others might think. (this is huge)

We might come up with different reasons.  Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.

In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy.  We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want:  we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc.  If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will.  We will tremble and will not achieve a thing.  The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.

The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result.  Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.”  Do not look at it as fear.  Look at it as a challenge, a game to play.  Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game.  You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes, to go on adventures, etc., etc.  Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most.  Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you.  Practice makes it easy.  You can win at this game – you better believe it.  Mind is powerful.  We just need to know how to consciously use it.

For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.

How to Overcome Shyness? or How to be Confident and Brave?

Some of us, shy people tend to hide from the world.  We do not want anybody to notice us.  As if, we want to hide in our shells and never come out.  That’s severe form of shyness.  Some of us do come out, but as soon as we start to feel uncomfortable, we hide again.  Then some of us are occasional shyers.  We are shy only on certain occasions, usually in unfamiliar environment.  Some of us are so good that we are great examples of camouflage – nobody notices when we come in.  We could turn invisible.

Why we are the way we are?  How to overcome it?  First, we got to go to the core of it.  Why we are shy?

It is all based on fears:

1.  We are not good enough;

2.  Others might laugh at us, criticize us;

3.  We are not worth the attention.

Why we choose to feel that way?  It probably started in our childhood when somebody said to us that we can’t do something; we are not good at it; we look ugly; we are not talented enough, etc., etc.  So, deep inside we believed them and it unconsciously went into adulthood.  We continue carry that with us, and we might not be aware of it.  We started to believe that’s who we are:  incapable and not worthy.  We stopped to trust ourselves, and be incapable to trust others for seeing “real” us.  When we say “I am shy,” – that’s what we project and we make up excuses not to do anything that’s uncomfortable because we are shy.

So, how to overcome shyness?  How to become confident and even brave?

1.  Forget what somebody said in childhood.  It happened in the past and the past is gone.

2.  Who cares what others think.  Do it anyway and keep doing it.

3.  Tell your own self-critic to shut up.

If you feel uncomfortable, do it anyway and repeat it until you feel comfortable.  Practice is the best medicine.  Change your words and mentality.  Instead of “I’m shy,” tell “I’m confident” or “I’m brave” and believe it.  You’ll feel better instantly.  What you feel inside, that’s what you’re projecting to the world.  Think of others.  If they only knew the “real” you and how much you can contribute to others and the world.  Show them and don’t wait another minute.  Share yourself with others.  You’ll be surprised how many like-minded individuals out there who totally will understand you.  Some great geniuses never were known because of their quietness and shyness.  Go ahead!  Show the world what you got!  You were too silent too long.

There still might be people who will criticize you.  Do not pay attention to them.  Do it anyway.  They’re dealing with their world in their own way.  If people will laugh at you, laugh with them.  You might totally confuse them.  Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself either.

Personally, I make games of uncomfortable situations.  If somebody laughs at me when I dance in the car, I think at least they’re having fun now.  I dance even more.  If somebody looks at me with my wind-blown hair because I drive with open windows, I smile at them.  They smile, too.  I felt uncomfortable to speak in public.  I made myself do it until I felt comfortable.  I like to catch people completely by surprise.  I like to challenge myself by putting myself in uncomfortable situations.  By doing that, my shyness evaporates.

What is uncomfortable to you?  Go do it.  Repeat it until it will become a piece of cake.  Then go to the next challenge.  Little by little…  Learn how to laugh at yourself and have fun with it.  If somebody will not going to like it, it’s their problem.

See my blog about 3 types of people here:  doers-critics-and-someday-ers

Need help with public speaking?  See my article here:  how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking

How to be Brave in Public Speaking? or How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking?

Most of my life I was shy with little streaks of bravery. Now I find myself mostly brave with little streaks of shyness. So before, talking in public – forget about it – I was terrified. I even skipped a Speech class in college. To go in front of class was a nightmare. My voice was shaking, my knees were shaking; I felt I’m going to pass out in front of everybody. Then, I realized shyness is only state of mind based on fears:

1) fear of not being good enough,

2) fear of being misunderstood (especially when you have an accent)

3) fear of forgetting speech altogether

4) fear of making fool of myself

5) fear of (fill in the blank)

I realized that all the fears only reside in my mind. Of course, if we think we will screw it up, we will. If we think we can not make a speech or speak in public, we can’t. What we think of that will become. Just know this, all those fears are self-made and only is messing up with your mind, and it is not what you think it is. I took Landmark education courses (that I highly recommend to anyone). By the end, I was volunteering to go in front of the class. I made myself do it, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. Of course, a few times, my knees were still shaking, but I felt more confident because I thought what I want to share was of big importance to others. When you forget about yourself and you think of others, it becomes really easy. All those fears are bull crap, anyway.

1) You are good enough.

2) People will understand you (If some of them will not, they can ask questions later if they are not too shy). :-)

3) You will involve people and perhaps will make a difference in their lives.

4) If you’ll make a fool of yourself, so what – at least you and audience will have a good laugh.

5) (Fill in the blank opposite of your fear)

When I talked, people actually listened. They laughed. And some of them told me that I’m inspiration. So, don’t listen what your fears tell you. Stand up confidently because you have something important to say.

Tips for great public-speaking, I learned:

1) Talk from the heart. Hand-written or printed speech that is read in audience does not sound as effective, as you speak it (no matter if you wrote the speech, or not).

2) If you forget what you wanted to say – make up as you go.

3) Involve audience – ask audience questions and listen for the answers.

4) Make audience laugh – don’t be so serious.

5) Leave audience with something to think about.

Most importantly, practice makes a big difference. Do it not once, but keep doing it. The fear will go away and you’ll be confident as never before. You are too important to be silent.