Influence

Interesting how people change their personalities in different circumstances.  I see some of people I know as fun, genuine, interesting, free, happy.  And then I see them with their partners in completely different demeanor.  They turn into shy, quiet, afraid to look into the eyes and say anything people.  Then, I’ve seen the sweetest and gentle people turn into obnoxious, boisterous, rude ones once with their friends.

How easily we give in into other people’s influences.  Do we want to “look cool” among friends?  Are we afraid what our partner may think if we will be who we really are?  Maybe we will be ridiculed if we say something wrong?  So, that’s why we turn quiet.  Are we who we really are with our partner, who we are with our friends?

Many of us depend on other person’s opinion.  We may turn ourselves into something we are not, just to be liked, or approved, or to avoid the fights.  Is this really a way to go?  Can we be real us in all the circumstances, no matter what?  What if really does not matter what other people think?  Can we be ourselves, then?  What if at the beginning of friendship or relationship we would be who we are, and not “put face on” just to please a partner, would it be so much easier?  Do we afraid somebody might not like us for who we are?  I would say, “So what?”  If friendship and relationship is not meant to be, it is not.  At least, we would not be forced later on to become who we  really are not; or at least, we would not be shocked that person we fell in love turned out completely different person we thought.

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How to Overcome Your Fears?

What are you afraid of?  What do you want to conquer? Who or what you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?

There are so many phobias out there.  Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not.  Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival.  It’s great to have these fears.  If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored.  It’s your inner knowing that something is not right.  You should act on your instinct.  Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee.  Do what your inner knowing tells you to do.  It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.

Then, there are fears that are unreasonable.  You don’t know why, but you afraid of something.  These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks.  Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc.  You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want.  If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.

To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them.  Perhaps,

1. Something scared us in the past;

2. We are scared of consequences. (Example:  afraid to look foolish)

3. What others might think. (this is huge)

We might come up with different reasons.  Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.

In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy.  We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want:  we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc.  If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will.  We will tremble and will not achieve a thing.  The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.

The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result.  Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.”  Do not look at it as fear.  Look at it as a challenge, a game to play.  Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game.  You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes like many people do, to go on adventures, etc., etc.  Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most.  Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you.  Practice makes it easy.  You can win at this game – you better believe it.  Mind is powerful.  We just need to know how to consciously use it.

For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.

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