We all have our energy fields. Did you ever felt that somebody was having a bad day without even talking to them? Or, somebody passes you, and you suddenly feel such a great energy from them, you can’t explain. The worst is when after talking to somebody, you feel all your energy is drained. That’s when you encountered an energy vampire.
These people are usually negative. Nothing satisfies them. After spending even a little time with them, you feel very tired, out of energy, as if somebody sucked you all out of your vitality. Conversely, after talking to you, they may feel revitalized. How to recognize them?
1) They usually talk on and on about their problems or somebody else’s problems.
2) They slander about others non-stop
3) They are self-absorbed
They do not realize what effect they have; they just bring their negativity onto others.
So, how to ward off this energy vampire? What if they are our close friends or family? You don’t need to say good-bye to them forever , as long as:
1) You stay in the present and be aware of it;
2) Do not take their talk whole-heartedly, do not take it personally;
3) As soon as you feel the energy drain, cut them off by saying you got to go or change a subject;
4) You do not have to listen to stuff you don’t want to listen. Don’t need to put up with crap.
5) Be in control of conversation.
If you do feel your energy drained after conversation, go get fresh air, breathe. Do not let your mind to recapture the whole encounter and conversation. Think about something else, preferably something pleasant.
Tags: breathe, conversation, energy, energy drained, energy fields, energy vampire, fresh air, negativity, out of energy, problems, revitalized, self-absorbed, slander, thinking, tired
“The only regret we have is chances we did not take,” as saying goes.
This is so true. We go day by day routinely, doing things we usually do, and we feel so comfortable because it is so familiar. Sometimes, new opportunities present themselves, but we’re either blind to them, or we are afraid to take chances. So, we ignore them, and again we go day by day. Yet, we dream for more. Dreaming alone is not enough. Why is it so hard to take chances? The reasons probably are:
1) We think of everybody else first;
2) We think we are not worth it;
3) We think we are not good enough;
4) We are too shy;
5) We are too comfortable;
6) We are afraid of change.
What if we would be brave to take those chances, regardless? How we would feel? Most likely, powerful. We would make our dreams come true.
But, what if we took some chances and it did not work? Did we think it was a failure and we stopped trying? If it did not work at first time, we got to think of it as first step. First, we got to learn how to crawl before we can learn how to walk. Also, we should stop “trying.” We got to be “doing.” Trying will never work.
To be braver each day to take actions, I suggest to start “Taking Chances” journal. List each day how brave you were by taking new chances. It will take you out of comfort zone, but it will be worth it.
The keys are:
1) Who cares what others think
2) Always trust your instincts – your inner guide
3) You are good enough and so much worth it.
We are the ones who build our lives for ourselves. So, what are you going to take a chance on today?
For more inspiration, you can read about famous book rejections that with persistence turned out a HUGE success later:
Famous Book Rejections
Tags: being brave, being powerful, building life, change, doing, dream, familiar, inner guide, inspiration, instincts, journal, new opportunities, out of comfort zone, post and photo by Ineta Mcparland, routine, taking chances
Circumstances… What are they, anyway? Do they define who we are? Do they define our destiny? Do they control where and what we want to be? Or, they are just excuses in our mind not to do things we want to do?
There might be infinite circumstances (illness, financial problems, dysfunctional family, bad relationships, unfair work environment, difficult childhood, etc., etc.) that seemingly we cannot control. We go about life blaming our circumstances that we cannot achieve things we want to achieve.
We do not realize that all this is just voluntary blocks we put on our dreams. They are just excuses. It is so easy to blame our life’s circumstances. It seems so reasonable.
We all have our minds, right? So, why we let circumstances to control us instead we control our circumstances?
A few examples of people who despite very difficult times, achieved unbelievable are: Christopher Reeve, Oprah Winfrey, Coco Chanel, Ed Roberts, Chris Gardner.
Tags: achieve, achieving unbelievable, bad relationships, blaming, block, Chris Gardner, Christopher Reeve, circumstances, Coco Chanel, control, destiny, difficult childhood, difficult times, dreams, dysfunctional family, Ed Roberts, excuses, financial problems, illness, inspiration, life, life's circumstances, mind, Oprah Winfrey, unfair work environment
Posted by ineta on Apr 30, 2010 in
How to,
Wonderocity of Mind 
We probably all dealt with bullies in our lives: in kindergarten, schools, at work, in relationships. The bully could be a co-worker, a boss, a partner, even an organization, etc., etc.
How do we handle the bully? Do we let them treat us like crap and be a victim, or do we do something about it? Let’s define “bully.” According to Merriam – Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus: bully is “a person habitually cruel to others who are weaker.” If we give in to bully, does that mean we are weak? We certainly do not want to choose being that.
Now, let’s look into bully’s mind. There are underlying reasons why bullies are the way they are.
1) They want to bully others around them, so they would not portray themselves as weak.
2) They need to control their surroundings, so they would not feel helpless.
3) They feel good when they hurt others because they do not want to be hurt themselves.
There might be a situation at some place at some time, where and when they have felt as weak, helpless and hurt. Therefore, in circumstances where they can feel power, they will do everything to be in control.
So the big question is how to dis-empower the bullies? How to outsmart them? How to protect yourself?
We need to diminish the circumstances where the bully feels powerful. How? We put them in surroundings, where they feel weak, helpless and hurt.
1) For your protection, never ever show fear and weakness. Bullies feed on that.
2) If possible, completely ignore them, like they would not exist.
3) Never make them mad. Do not want to infuriate the bull.
If that does not work,
4) Find their weak spot, their weakness, their insecurities and turn that against them. Let their own ego self-destruct them. They will not know what hit them.
5) Put them in surroundings where they feel helpless. For example, among stronger than him people or among people who make him feel helpless and insecure.
6) Sometimes you can kill bullying with kindness. Play on their weak spot. (Just never ever become a doormat. Always stand up for yourself.) You never know, bully might just need a friend, and he may be shocked because nobody was nice to him before.
Of course, different circumstances require different measures. Got to play accordingly. Just got to use your brain to outsmart the bully.
As businesses or organizations go, you can always change them. Nothing is worst for business than a bad word of mouth. If boss or co-worker bully you, – report them or change locations or jobs. Stand up for yourself to be respected. Being bullying is not in job’s description. If partners bully you – either stand up for yourself or leave them. Life is too short to be unhappy. You can always choose to be strong.
Tags: at work, bad word of mouth, being strong, boss, bullies, bully, bullying, business, circumstances, co-worker, cruel, dis-empower, ego, fear, friend, happy, helpless, hurt, insecurities, inspiration, kindergarten, kindness, life, mad, organizations, outsmart, outsmarting the bullies, power, protection, relationships, schools, standing up for yourself, strong, surroundings, victim, weak, weak spot
Posted by ineta on Apr 24, 2010 in
How to,
Wonderocity of Mind 
What are you afraid of? What do you want to conquer? Who or what you want to be, but your fears keep you hostage?
There are so many phobias out there. Some of them are reasonable, and some of them are not. Some fears are for your own protection; it’s your instinct for survival. It’s great to have these fears. If it comes from instinct or hunch, these fears should never be ignored. It’s your inner knowing that something is not right. You should act on your instinct. Reaction to them usually is to fight or flee. Do what your inner knowing tells you to do. It’s great when that kind of fear keeps you on your toes.
Then, there are fears that are unreasonable. You don’t know why, but you afraid of something. These fears keep you from functioning normally in every day life, keeps you away from achieving something, keeps you dead in the tracks. Examples include fear of public speaking, fear of heights, fear of swimming, fear to succeed, fear of unknown, etc., etc. You want to achieve something, but these fears keep you away from what you want. If only you would overcome them, life would be so much more fun.
To get rid of the fears, first we have to look at deep roots what caused them. Perhaps,
1. Something scared us in the past;
2. We are scared of consequences. (Example: afraid to look foolish)
3. What others might think. (this is huge)
We might come up with different reasons. Or, we might not even know what causes our fears.
In these situations, most of the time our mind is our enemy. We will think of different consequences and reasons not to do what we want: we might fall from the sky, the bug might bite us, we may drown, we may faint, we may die, etc., etc. If only we let our mind to come up with different conclusions, it will. We will tremble and will not achieve a thing. The key to these situations is to consciously shut out thoughts, dismiss them as ridiculous.
The only thing we should concentrate on is the end result. Instead of “I’m afraid,” tell yourself “I can do this.” Do not look at it as fear. Look at it as a challenge, a game to play. Then use your imagination how your life would be if you would conquer this challenge, if you would win at this game. You might make a difference in delivering a powerful speech, you might be able to swim with dolphins, to be able to travel on airplanes like many people do, to go on adventures, etc., etc. Imagine the whole possibilities and make yourself do it what challenges you the most. Then, repeat it again and again until your mind will register it’s OK, and conquering a challenge will become a second nature to you. Practice makes it easy. You can win at this game – you better believe it. Mind is powerful. We just need to know how to consciously use it.
For more help with public-speaking, see how-to-be-brave-in-public-speaking.
Tags: afraid, being brave, challenge, consequences, end result, fear of heights, fear of public speaking, fear of swimming, fear of unknown, fear to succeed, fears, fight or flee, How to overcome your fears, hunch, inner knowing, inspiration, instinct, overcoming fear, past, phobias, post and photo by Ineta Mcparland, protection, reasons, scared, self-confidence, survival, the way of thinking, thinking
Posted by ineta on Apr 22, 2010 in
How to,
Wonderocity of Mind 
There are many things in life that depend on our decisions. Actually, I think, all life is made up of decisions. The life we lead now is based on our past choices.
How do we choose? Do we go for the best, or we settle for second best because it was cheaper, easier to get, or more practical? Or, we don’t settle at all? Do we satisfy our heart’s desires and risk it all, or we just make decisions to get by? What do we base our decisions on anyway?
It could be on:
1) Our past experiences;
2) How much do we think we worth;
3) How much we can get away with;
4) or the combination of above.
If we base our decisions on familiar – the past, we might be getting ourselves in the same situations over and over again and not learning anything new.
If we base our decisions on how much we are worth, it all depends. If we value ourselves and we think we are worth the best, we risk everything to get only the best. If we are not sure how much we are worth or when we put others first, we are more likely to settle with mediocre choices. We can live with it because it was a bargain and our guilt level is lower. Now, if we think we are not worth it, we will play it “safe.” We usually leave empty-handed, and we let others to make a decision for us. Other people go first, and we go the last, which brings to the third option.
We base our decisions on how much we think we can get away with. This exemplifies a dependence on other person how much we can make him or her mad. We depend on other person’s opinion. If we can get away without telling them about the decision, we can risk it. It depends if they will find out and how much in trouble we will get.
The best way for most of the time to make a decision is to go into unfamiliar territory. This way we might learn something new, and less likely make the same mistakes. Second, always go for the best. We’ll never regret the best decisions even if we need to pay more, got to work on it harder, or it is more fancy. If our heart is set on it, we should get it no matter what – never settle for less. Third, we should always believe in ourselves and trust our own instincts. We all live our own lives. We are who we are. Everyone of us lead different lives and have our own points of view. If something does not feel right, we should trust it. We should not depend on others for our own life. We are the kings and queens of our own castle – our lives. We know the best what is good for us.
Now, if we want to change something in our future, we can always make different decisions NOW.
Tags: choices, decisions, dependence, going for the best, learning new, making choices, making decisions, past, past experiences, post and photo by Ineta Mcparland, trusting instincts, unfamiliar territory, worth
Posted by ineta on Apr 21, 2010 in
How to,
Wonderocity of Mind 
Do you want to feel several pounds lighter? Do you want that huge stone out of your chest? Do you want to go forward despite your hurtful past? There is the way.
We all been hurt by our past at some point in our lives. I know I was. We all had somebody who treated us unfairly, badly and in some cases in horrendous ways. Some of us might been mistreated in physical, some of us in mental and emotional ways. Physical scars most likely healed, but emotional and mental scars are really hard to heal. They say time is the best healer. It’s true. However, the right attitude makes healing faster.
When you are mad on a person who wronged you, you have all these hating thoughts. You think all the ways what you would do and say, if you ever meet him or her again. You might even plot a revenge, or at least you want something bad happen to them, so they would know what pain they caused you. You work yourself up. How could they hurt you? You are in so much pain.
The thing is these thoughts only hurt you. You run through your past over and over again. And, people who you hate are going about their business, not even aware of your thoughts. They even might not be aware of how they wronged you. The only thing that hurting you is you – your own thoughts and memories. We all are controlled by our thoughts. What we think is what our reality is. Now think of this: our past is powerless in regards to our now and the future. The only person that is responsible for our thoughts and feelings – we, and not the person who hurt us. Would we in the right mind choose to hurt ourselves? By blaming and hating other, we only are causing pain to us. We let that person in our minds to still control our thoughts without consciously aware of it. When in fact, we are the ones who make ourselves miserable. It’s time to put our past where it belongs – in the past, clear our head and make a space for now and future. It’s all in our thoughts and choosing.
Some of you might be protesting: “But he or she did this to me!” Let me make this clear. Forgiving is in no way condoning and accepting the hurt you or others received. It does not justify the wrong doing. Forgiving is accepting that all of it happened in the past, and it does not hurt you right here, right now. Forgiving is the healing of your own heart. It is letting go of the past hurts and have a peace of mind. The wrongdoer only knew how to be according his own dealing with his own reality.
Now, look at your memories this way. They are the reminders for your own protection that you would not get into the same situation again. Memories are something to learn from. All the rest – the past – is history and not here anymore. You are not being hurt right now. So, why to torture yourself with thoughts of hate or dislike? Why to bring your past to now and the future?
When you forgive someone, you have the most lightest feeling. As if someone took away that heavy stone out of your chest. When you have no one to blame, your heart is filled with nothing, but love.
I made peace in my heart and got rid of the stone that was crushing my chest. Thanks to my hurtful past, I learned many lessons and I know that it made me the person I am today – the strongest I ever been in my entire life. I even made friends with people who I thought mistreated or insulted me. Some of it was just misunderstanding. Now, as long as I stay present, I’m not going to let anybody to treat me like a dirt.
My heart is full of love and forgiveness.
Tags: abuse, emotional scars, forgiveness, forgiving, forgiving the past, going forward, healing, inspiration, memories, mistreatment, pain, past is powerless, post and photos by Ineta McParland, protection, thinking, thoughts, treated unfairly, wrongdoing
Posted by ineta on Apr 18, 2010 in
How to,
Wonderocity of Mind 
Everyone of us are powerful. Some of us express it more than others. I’m not talking about having a power over others. That’s dominance, and not powerful at all. I’m talking about being powerful in making your dreams come true, inspiring others, leading a great life that you always wanted to have. Being powerful is to be true to yourself and others, no matter what. Some of us may argue: but I do not have resources, I have no luck, have too many responsibilities, etc., etc. I tell you this: outside circumstances has nothing to do with it. It is what inside of us that matters – our own thoughts, and following actions.
What prevents us from succeeding? What prevents us from being powerful?
Here are 3 main things:
1) We put ourselves in the box;
2) We let others to put us in the box;
3) combination of 1 and 2.
How do we do that? By limiting thoughts. Who we are? Do we really know? What are we really capable of? What those boxes consist of? – We usually limit ourselves of what we can and cannot do. We base our decisions usually on our past, on our fears, on our limitations of our mind – that’s what the boxes are made of. Or, likewise, we let others set for us what we can and cannot do. Our mind is made up of our own thoughts. If we set our mind up that we cannot accomplish something, for sure we will fail. Now, opposite is true. If we set our mind to find the way, sure enough we will think of a solution (outside the box) and we will find the way. Our mind is powerful. Our mind can come up with infinite possibilities if we only going to let it. We can think in multi-dimensional ways that we never thought of. The key is not let the box – the past, the fears, limitations- to get in the way. Other key is not to let other people to control your thoughts and actions and to be aware when that occurs. Sometimes, other people try to influence you not out of bad will. That’s just their way of being. Or, you trained them that way by being a person they think they know. You can always re-train them when you are aware of it.
There is always a solution for everything. To find it, you got to be powerful and think outside the box. Powerful Now consists of powerful thoughts and actions. How can you be powerful today, right now?
Tags: box, expression, fears, great life, infinite possibilities, inspiration, limitations, limiting thoughts, making dreams come true, multi-dimension, past, post and photo by Ineta Mcparland, powerful, powerful actions, powerful thoughts, self-limitations, stay true, thinking, thinking outside the box, thoughts
Many of us are striving to be perfect. Some of us go to the extent to have cosmetic procedures to look younger, to have a straight nose, tummy tuck, eyebrow lift, etc., etc. Oh, we just want to look so perfect. Yet some of us try to mold ourselves according other expectations, even though that’s not true nature of us. Many of us try our best to be a perfect person.
What is perfect anyway? Who and what defines perfection? Is it another person or society or peer pressure? Does any other person knows better what is best for us? Do we have to rely on others opinion to know who,what or how we want to be?
Personally, I think perfection is boring. If you are perfect, there is no room to learn anything. Why do you want to be like someone else, having somebody’s nose or lips, or having the same mindset? Why to become somebody that is not you? Why to put a mask on physically or in actions and thinking? The reasons most likely are:
1. Somebody or someone will like us or love us more
2. We would fit in according someone’s expectations
3. Our self-esteem will rise
I think, it’s a bull crap. If you are in that kind of relationship (1 and 2), get out now before he or she will turn you to zombie. It means they are looking for somebody else, not you, that fits their mold. If it’s #3, no matter how many plastic surgeries you’ll have,your self-esteem will remain the same, and you’ll turn into plastic alien who can’t live without pain pills.
Being imperfect is exciting. Look at the rose. It has thorns, but it has the most gorgeous and fragrant flower. Imperfections in stones makes them unique. All the nature is imperfect. That’s what it makes it so beautiful. The same with people. Imperfection makes us all unique, one-of-a-kind and extra-ordinary.
Can you imagine how boring world would be made of perfectly beautiful people who look all the same and act in a perfect robot-like manner? Imperfection makes a world more interesting, and fun. Let’s celebrate our unique ourselves, and not let anybody try to change us, according to their expectations.
(For self-esteem, read my article at how-to-overcome-shyness-or-how-to-be-confident-and-brave)
Tags: beauty, being imperfect, being perfect, boring, expectations, fitting mold, interesting, mask, nature, one-of-a-kind, peer pressure, plastic procedures, post and photo by Ineta Mcparland, relationships, self-esteem, unique
Often times we depend on someone or something to make us happy. We think, “When I’ll make x amount of $, I’ll be happy,” or “When I’ll meet someone special…” or “When I quit my job…” or “When I’ll get married…,” or “When… (fill the blank).” List goes on. What we do not realize is that we can be happy right here, right now. We usually seek happiness outside ourselves, when Happiness is an inner state of mind. Often times, people comment that I always smile, I am always happy. That’s what I choose to be. My personal motto is “Life is too short to be unhappy.”
You may protest, “How can I be happy if I lost my job, if there is a shortage of money, if kids are making me crazy, etc., etc.”? These are only your life situations, transitional events, opportunities for a change. They do not make who you are. They do not define your being. Look at the 3rd world countries. People there do not have much, but they sing and laugh like nothing matters. Look at children – every small thing fascinates them. It does not make much to make them happy.
In Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary and Thesaurus, one of the synonyms for “happiness” is gladness. My happiness consists of gratitude. I’m very grateful for everyday that I live. I’m grateful for my family and friends. I’m grateful for my life. That’s all what is important to me. Sure, there might be worries or unsatisfied wishes or frustrating events. They are nothing compared that I’m so fortunate to have what is important to me: my family, friends, pets, my health and my life.
Problems do not define who we are. They are just the next steps in our lives to get to the higher level, to go to the next transition. We can fight it and be miserable, or we can go with the flow – make choices which way to go. Life is all about choices. It is a matter of opening the doors and go whatever direction we choose to. Now if there seems no doors, we can always make them by breaking the wall.
When I’m in the state of happiness, it does not take much to be happy. When I’m in the state of gratitude, everything – the smallest things fascinate me: a blooming rose, a walk on the beach, wind in the hair, sunshine, puppy’s hug, to hug and kiss my family and friends.
Life is too precious. Enjoy every minute of it one smile at the time, minute by minute, and be grateful of what you have.
Tags: children, gladness, gratitude, happiness, inner state of mind, inspiration, photo by Ineta McParland, post by Ineta McParland, revealing secret to happiness, solving problems
